


The life of a soldier

by Doka



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, Minor Levi/Petra Ral
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-11
Updated: 2014-09-14
Packaged: 2018-02-04 06:12:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 30,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1768561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doka/pseuds/Doka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That´s my own vision of Hange´s past since her joining in the army until the fall of the walls.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beginning

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [La vida de un soldado](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/54547) by Doka shibichan. 



**Disclaimer: Snk belongs to Hajime Isayama. This fic was written one year ago (in spanish) and now I am going to translate chapter by chapter to english. I hope you like my version of Hanji´s past (and also Erwin´s and Rivaille´s) before the fall of the wall.**

**English is not my first language, so I apologize for the possible mistakes.**

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**.**

**.**

She still remembered the pain of the burn on her skin. Over her, the scars were still perceived. She only could see milky colour, how if it has snowed. She hated all this purity and the antiseptic appearance of the hospitals. From her arm sprouted a tiny tube that kept her alive. And she also hated to feel so useless. Couldn´t cry, couln´t irritate, that´s was all what she receive just for living in a cruel world.

With only 7 years old, Hanji Zoe had had the horrible experience of seeing her fathers dissapear from her life. Due to collect staff for a field research. But for Hanji, it seemed just a way to decimate the population for avoinding the famine.

The fateful day came. There was an attack against the camp where she have been designed to live next to other families. They were so hungry and exhausted that barely could run. It started a fire where they kept the gunpowder for the cannons. People ran away terrified while the flame extended cleverly.

The young girl looked everywhere looking for theys parents. Where were them? Why weren´t they looking for her? Instinctively, she run towards the fire, just for making sure they weren´t looking for her in that troublesome zone. She felt how ulcers began to appear on her skin.

It hurt too much. A man pushed throwing her to the ground. Another woman stepped on her arm. She try to sit up but the pain in the arm was too intense. She felt a little flame scratching her skin. Her legs didn´t respond, being grabbed for the embers. She was begining to lose consciousness when she heard a strong neigh.

The horse stopped a few metres from her. A soldier had left the group of investigation for helping the citizens going away. He picked up her and mounted in his horse carrying her quickly from there.

Hardly any words on her throad, she managed her sigth up ready to see the face of her rescuer. He was a young boy. Maybe 17 years old, blond hair and blue eyes. No dude, a newly graduate. And he risked his life for saving her?

Withouth realizing, her eyes burst into tears. Drowsiness of her upper extremities didn´t allow her to hide her face, covered with blood and mud. So pathetic she was, she had no clue about her parents, and also didn´t know why she had to suffer that. Only could leave that the frustration of those fateful days flowed across her eye sockets.

He noticed it and wrapped her thightly aganist his chest, comforting her. Until she lost conciouness. Her eyes didn´t open again until lots of time later, in a room which wasn´t her own enclosed of purity and immaculate furniture.

She stayed in that hospital hour after hour. Day after day. Month after month. Year after year.

Every weeks, on the boy´s days off, he went to visit her. There was something different on him, but she liked it, he never gave her toys or dolls how any other adult would have done. Just books. Loads of them. He want she grew being wisdom and smart. Just wanted she could manage by herself withouth needing an adult.

After some time, she understood what happened to her parents. According to the squads which were there to help the citizens, they run on the opposite direction and nobody saw them never more. If they were alive or dead ….... was a mistery. She just only could think that they left her in the lurch. Since that day abandoned any smile on her face. Even though, it was something she has never needed.

.

.

.

After 2 years, the little Zoe began to leave her warn nine years old. At last, she has been released from that hospital. The excesive purity and cleanliness riled her. Because of being an orphan, she had to live in a orphanage until 18. That was all she had. Her only option.

That idea didn´t pleased her at all. Then, considered another option. During those years she had hated the army for obly her to leave her home. Her family, her quiet and calm life. Everything. But..... if she joined the army she could live there and being next to the young corporal who saved her. That one she admired so....

“It is a total madness!!” interrupted “They won´t admit somebody so young between their ranks. The minimun age for joining is 13, Hanji. You know it, if you want to join, wait a pair of year more”.

“Erwin, I don´t want to be a white elephant anymore. All those years in the hospital I understood what I want to do. I know it seems imposible, but...... I am pretty sure you must now a way to help to enter”

“B-but.......... I don´t want you be in danger” the girl stared at him withouth winking. There was no doubt about her words. “Maybe... there is a solution. If they see that your knowledges can be interesting to develop, could accept you”

“Like... an exam?” asked focusing her eyes hardly.

“Y-yes. The government always needs inteligent pawns who know how perform scandalous manoeuvres” muttered while caressed the rebellious lock of hair of her fringe “Although, It ´d mean to humiliate being their puppet, are you capable to do it?”

“I prefer this than rotting here inside”.

There was no needing to think about that and took that test withouth further delay. To prove her worth, refuted constanly the old theorys about titan´s clasification, even naming some class more recently discovered, which had anormals abilites.

The jury who heard her investigations was surprised for the wisely of the little girl, didn´t doubt to accept her in the army. She has enough abilities to became one of their toys. And also to became one of their dangerous enemies, it was better to carry her on their own interests. She was awareness of that fact, but didn´t matter about that. Wasn´t that what she would have to live if she stayed inside? Outside she could inhale the authentic aroma of the fresh grass, the stagnant rainwater. She didn´t mind have no chilhood. Didn´t need it. She has already lost it on that fire.

When still remained some days for her joining between the troops, so temporaly she has been trasladed to he room where rest her good friend, Erwin Smith. Of course, nobody should know it. strict rules on the army prohibited to live with females. Stupid rules with no sense.

That day, as other nights, she got in bed ready to read a new book, but several minutes later her eyes began to itch. The writing were blurry. Shade. Fatigue maybe.

No doubt, her sight has been damaged with the embers which reached her skin, and reading just only became it worse. Resigned, she went to bed withouth read. The young cadet, who was looking at her at that moment, noticed her problem and thougth about how bothersome it would be for her. Smiled and caressed her head while thinking in a pleasant solution.

The joining day, Erwin gave her first pair of glasses. Simple, with the lens sligthly rounded and no frame. Possibly they belonged to any other person because didn´t fit her head, instead of this, they were ligthly big.

Filled by happiness, hastened to try on, but, when she run to look on the mirror, she noticed they moved too much. That could became a gross problem in the training. Cleverly she tied some leather scrunchies and joined among them getting a robes perfectly interweaved which hold to her head withouth moving. No more fear for that, they weren´t going to fall. She was ready to be one more, an authentic soldier.

.

.

.

Dust and sand, that would be all her company during the years which last the training. Nothing more than dust and sand.

Meanwhile she walked towards the queue of the new troops, she realized about she was much more younger than most of them, being severals years younger than the majority. But maybe, thanks to her prominent height, she could conceal that fact.

For her, the uniform seemd incredible, covering completely all the scars which had not yet disappear, and never would. She tied up her hair. She had let it grow, but now shorter would be more confortable. She placed her glases and adjusted to her head.

She was ready, anything more should delay her. With that thougtht on her mind, she reached her queue. The ceremony was boring. Couldn´t stop yawning facing the poorly capacity of the instructors for motivanting their future soldiers. But also, didn´t seem really interested on that, only sheeps which would die soon. Rigth after, sharing out the barracks.

First, women. She was afraid about the idea of sharing room with older girls, who could mock of her youth. Began to share out one by one. First the older recruits and managing those who behave a rich descent, enough important as for going ahead the others. Having their future already decided. And finally, the last one, the furthest. Who would be her new roomates? But, once she reached the platform they only gave her a big bag and waited for the rest.

Just only another woman more appeared. A young girl with silver hair who also wore googles. No name more. They would be the only women in that team. Almost could laugh until one´s side ache thinking on that. But she wasn´t amazed.

Half of mankind feared go out, and the other half were sick or hungry. Barely there were enough brave people as for risking to die horribly during what remains of their lives.

Some of them dreamed with being heroes. Others just only wanted to live sheltered and have food. Most of them wanted to get a promotion for living comfortably and withouth worrying. But her....... only a though bother her head.

“Live to be free”

.

.

.

Her new roomate, called Riko Brzenska, was a girl with almost 13 and occidental features. Exactly as quiet and serious as her, which for the little Zoe was fantastic. No need of comunication between them.

She hasn´t joined there for making friends, didn´t need their company. During the nigths, ligthed the oil lamp which was next to her bed and learnt all things that, because of her poverty, couldn´t before. The time was necesary, and wouldn´t waste it.

Days passed and practices were every day harder. The harness was too tight on her torax causing severe abrasions on her little breasts, which had began to grow.

With sacrifice and exhaustion, passed the first month. Her roomate showed especially fed-up cause of her glasses. During first weeks they broke constantly, those acrobatics manoeuvres were a pain in the ass if you need help to see. The crystal wasn´t resistant enough and, besides that, fall off easily.

Too many time going to the training withouth seeing practically anything. Every day she passed with them, finish trowing out them abruptness on the basket.

Hanji noticed it and explained her about the simple and witty gadget she has invented to alleviate this weakness. During the time she had been there, had developed another type of glasses with a stronger frame round the lenses for avoiding suffering too much hits.

Both, gathered enough rejected harnesses. Maybe belonged to some casualties on any mission. wasn´t anything that should worry them. Just needed the material, under the yoke where they lived, coerce for being reserved was something unnecesary.

“Woah, Zoe. You are a genious. I am not surprissed why you were accepted so young” a panic wave dealed her bones.

She didn´t thougth that her short age could have broke into the squad. Probably would lose the respect of all of them if they found out.

“You knew it?”

“All us knew it. But it is forbidden to comment under any circunstance. For them you are a promising soldier and we musn´t disturb you. By the way...” began to talk while walking towards her bed “Maybe this will be useful for you.....soon....”

Half-closed her eyes with curiosity and observed that her roomate offered her, a kind of cloth really clean.

“What´s supossed I have to do with....?”

“Don´t worry. I´ll be with you when happens and will explain you all you must now. Now is not necesary you think about that”

“Understood” lied withouth understand too much yet “In any event, Riko, there´s something I wanted to ask you. Doesn´t it hurt your chest cause of the fastening? I have wounds for that”

“Of course.... But....you are still growing, must be worse for you. You should ask for any tipe of shirt tights for avoiding that pression. It could deform your chest if you continue on that way. With a new and tight shirt surely your chest won´t grow so much but.....Is that anything you really mind?”

She thought on that for a moment, if she bandaged her chest while it was still growing, would grow less than should, to be flat. But, did it really matter? Wasn´t important. Why would she want to have big boobs? Just only other obstacle for her formation.

Months passed by, and bit by bit met the rest of the promotion. She didn´t know that never come back to see the majority of them. Most of the graduates of her generation would died barely cross the walls for the first time. She would be one of the few survivors.

.

.

.

Graduation. Her heigth was appreciabily tall for her age. Her breasts had any new growth as concecuence of the opressing shirt. And her mind was more bright.

She got to be in the top ten. So she could choose the troop she want to join. If she chose the military police, would live the rest of her life withouth any worrying. Maybe drinking, playing and eating exquisites until she died cause of coronary thrombosis.

But no, she made out, through the lens in front of her eyes, where she wanted to go. The reflect of the sun on them and the mist cause of the warm morning couldn´t hide her authentic aim.

She traveled in time, 5 years to the past. That young soldier, the badges on his arms were two wings crossed. Inspiring and encouraging.

The survey corps was known for the lacking number of suicidals who joined them. That just guaranteed a foreseable death. But she knew that standing behind the walls couldn´t neither help anybody nor surmise the mystery behind that colossal and sickly figures. Nor be able to revenge her parents.

When she entered in the recon corps, she found herself in a familiar situation: she was the only new woman on those troops. Her old friend Riko, had decided to join the stationary guard. No doubt, a few psychopatic joined hers.

And that mission that would change all. Her mind, her previous thougths, that strange day. She had been half and a year in that division. She was directed under the command of a leader. She departed next her dear and old friend Erwin, who now held a powerfull position as a squad leader. His abilities have let him fly high.

And surely, still higher.

They reached the settled zone. It was the first time she saw that misterious forest with colossal threes. Until now, she only could explore in regions close the walls. Prevention for trainees, it was all the explanations she received from her superior.

Boring, really boring. Barely had the chance to split her enemies and stare at them stoically behind that odd halo of smoke.

Separating her troop, began to explore the zone, attacking all the titans she found on her way. Can kill those powerfull figures make her liberating still more her rage held back. Obviously, she knew that her anger shouldn´t be expoussed so quicly, but her thirst for blood roared on her veins. And, failed the cut, cutting the head of the titan withouth attacking its weak spot. The head fell to the ground makind a muffled sound. The body fell following the head.

Perplexed, she descended down the threes until reaching the zone. She had to cut that weak spot fastly or it would regenerate. One of the hook of her wires dropped making her fall over the head and making it move.

“Eh?” the touch when she fell over the head was unusual, and it seemed strange to her that her little body could have generate any type of movement on it.

Withouth expecting any type of reaction she hit gently the base with her leg. It moved again. Charged by curiosity and disdain, kicked it with lots of strength, making it flying out.

It was so weird. Come back to shoot the hooks and repeat that experiement some times more. The same result. Why were they so light?

She searched in her pocket for a worn-down notebook. Grabbed a tiny lead of pencil and wrote about this new discovery. Strident noise of a cannon interrupted her thoughts.

Time to come back, and she had to fasten joining her group. In the middle of the way she met his old friend. When she prepared to talk, he gave her a sound slap.

“Zoe, you can´t move away your mates. It´s still more dangerous to confront the titans alone than in a team” she lowered her ashamed face for desobeying the orders “By all ways,” changed the subject when saw the mortified expression of her “I am glad you are okey. You are the only female member in that sector, besides of being the youngest and I was worried about something could happened to you”

“I can take care of myself very well. I killed 5 titans with no help, in addition....” remembered that instant minutes before.

“What happen?”

“Erwin... when I kicked the head of that titan it flew up as it didn´t weigh anything. It was ... amazing! Do you think there´s some reason for that?” suggested a huge and emotive smile “Do you believe that its gaseous composition is that generate all the smoke? For that reason always appear suddenly? Or maybe...?”

Erwin looked at her surprissed while she summarised about she had just discovered with loads of happiness. She had already gone out in expeditions before, although never to that conflictive area. Allways they kill a titan, she showed that dreadful expresion on her face and eyes. But now, the girl who was standing next to him, just smiled.

“Wow, you finally smile. I was waiting for so long to see your smile” how many time had he met her? 5, 6 years maybe? 7? It was a so distant memory that he couldn´t imagine the angst that supossed rear next to a child who didn´t show emotions.

Hanji blushed instanly. Yes, she had decided to get away all emotions from her face, get away all femininity from her personality, just to dedicate enterely to the investigation. Although she had to regconize that, can progress in the figth for mankind made her happy.

The man caressed her head in signal of approval. Since he rescued her, that man had became her platonic relationship. She knew perfectly, that her for him was just a child, so never made illusions. He awakenend her the power of the personal growth and the constant efforment. For her was enough seeing his big and kind smile.

.

.

.

Years passed by with no rest, taking part each time more in investigation works. Regarding how all her mates die. Those who entered with her, old recruits, new ones. There wasn´t anything on her hands she could do for avoiding all those deaths.

It was so exasperating not finding any type of tactic to progress. The world was getting complicated. Could feel that each thing she learnt lead her to discover still more concepts. But never enough.

With 16, while glancing over some books on her captain´s office, somebody knocked the door. It was required to report the squad leader about a young cadet who would join the next days to the ranks.

She has heard about him. In only a month and a half, could be fluent in the 3D gear, so his training stopped immediately and proceeded to instruct him in more interesting tactics. Another puppet for the army.

An arm like this couldn´t be wasted between the inexperienced cadets. The process of desicion about where would finish that soldier had been incredibly arduous. The boy, apparently, had some criminal records. Robery, fraud, assaults, verbal agressions. Even, some still more serious.

He abandoned the institution which cared him with barely 12 and had perpetrated large robberys for surviving. And the last of them had been the enough serious as for be sent to join the ranks, with the objetive of being modelled on their ideal and discipline him. He was thoroughly known for everybody for the day of his enrolement . When the instructor asked him about his distric origins, he refused to answer and kicked the instructor on his inner thigh. On this way he earned the respect and the fear of the rest of the troop.

For that reason, for being so terribly troublesome, they weren´t sure about if he would obey when it was necessary. So the final desicion was posted him to the survey corps. At least, or that was what the high autorities thought, if he kill on or two titans on his way even if he didn´t obbey orders, he wouldn´t be so useless.

Of course, squad leaders seemed reluctant to had him on their units. The only one with enough courage to accept him was Erwin Smith. Hanji was a bit uncomfortable facing the idea of having between her mates somebody so troublesome and dangerous.

“Well” cleared his throat interrupting her thoughts “Tomorrow I have to pick up this dodgy boy. Shall you go with me?

“O-of course, I´m dying for seeing that famous <mankind´s arm>”

“I am pleased for hearing that, because of the increased number of members, you will see yourself forced to share barrack with him”.

“What?” actually she was de only woman who lived in that powdery barrack. Some women had joined her troop during the years he had been at the service of the army. Nevertheless, most of them had died and another certain percentage had given up that squad. Now she was living alone in that huge living space.

“Don´t worry, I will move miself to that place. It´s just that, despite that our unities are not very larges, we forced the soldiers to live under low conditions. If I continue increasing the numbers of cadets in the same rooms, their quality of life could be seriously affected, and as a consecuence, their efficiency in the battle”

Hanji was perplexed facing the rational thought of her superior. No doubt, oblying the soldiers to living as cattle only would increase in a peculiar revolution and a possible riot. And, in addition, if he moves himself from the men´s barrack, could enable cadet´s relaxation. Less vigilance and more posibilities for having night meetings. Although those meetings were still blurry for her inocent childish mind.

“In addition...” resumed “Being this new recruit so complicated I don´t know what would happen if I force him to share room with other people. I prefer to have him under my vigilance as close as possible and withouth he can damage anybody”

“Of course, Erwin. That´s very inteligent! Very well thought!”

“And, I will need your cooperation to repress him” whispered laughing.

That phrase only could cause that Hanji burst out laughing echoing in the room. If she had know that had to treasured those memories of happiness, never had left them go out her mouth. Unaware everything what will come nearer some years after. The end of her peace.

.

.

.

Next day, she wore her uniform as good as she could. Buttoned up her shirt and looked herself in the mirror. She still wore that old supporting thigth on her breasts. She had became in a woman, but nobody could realize that.

So many moments of confusion, overtaken thanks her friend. Other mates with who she shared room. People whose names dissappeared next to their bodys in that huge pile where they used to burnt up the corpses.

And now she was preparing to meet another cadet more. Another name more. Another cadaver in a few months. Maybe luckily, years. Or that was what she tought. For her he would be only another person more for who would leave a flower in that gloomy garden placed on the rear part of the principal building.

Looked again her figure and ajusted still more the harnesses on her torso. That would produce new marks, that ones she was used to see. But any little detail was that keeped her alive, in contrast to the fallen ones.

Would that boy be enough clever to predict that?

They reached the principal office. After talking with a pair of big bosses, they were directed to the guardroom. As always, go down those moudly and slippery stairs. How many month withouth cleaning that zone? Or even, withouth restoring the cells?

To be under arrest was a offense and a shame, that was clear. For that reason she avoid troubles all those time, or at least she tried not to be discovered. But there were more reasons why she didn´t wanted to sleep in that claustrophobic prison.

Sickening smell. There, only were destinated the scum, the most dangerous. The worst. Even there weren´t a minimun conditions of cleanliness or respect for those who stayed on that rooms during an undefined time.

Most of them, urinated on the corners. Intense and sour smell. Criminals, murderes, mafia members. All class of individual passed over there, but, soldiers? What class of affront had commited the famous _hope of makind_ to finish there?

She had her answer soon. The young cadet had fougth the night before. Leaving unconscious his mate only for a bad comment. The enough offensive for abusing him.

They went down those narrow treads where the smell was more and more strong; swallowed saliva imaginating the face of that guy. When they reached the enter of his cell found 6 soldiers watching over the door. “That´s must be a joke”, thought.

A huge metal lock and some chains along the perimeter. Even, the men who guarded him looked much more stocky than the majority. Selected previously for his guard.

Never matter how good soldier he was, that was exagerated. Erwin got closer the iron bars and put the key onto the keyhole. From there went out a tiny boy with a serious and penetrating sigth. No threatening at first sigth.

Briefly, he remembered herself, before recovering her faith in makind. They boy looked her for a while, until Erwin intervened again.

“My name is Erwin Smith, since today you belongs to my squad. I introduce you one of your new squadmates and my right-hand: Hanji Zoe” directed to her “Hanji, he is Rivaille”

Never forget that day in her whole life nor all she would live next to him.

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**Thanks for reading the first chapter. And I hope you like it! If I see that english readers like the story I will continue translating. I must advert you that the original one (the one I wrote in english) is filled with war and battles, not much cuddles and romantic scenes. But centered on levihan story.**

 


	2. First meeting

**Disclaimer: Snk belongs to Hajime Isayama. This fic was written one year ago (in spanish) and now I am going to translate chapter by chapter to english. I hope you like my version of Hanji´s past (and also Erwin´s and Rivaille´s) before the fall of the wall.**

**English is not my first language, so I apologize for the possible mistakes.**

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_His aspect couldn´t be more ridiculous,_ thought the woman meanwhile observed the little man. Before her eyes, a man with a straight hair cut, open in one side; part of his hairstyle shorter than the rest, shaven nape. His head looked like something similar a mushroom. And this sensation was increased with his height.

Therefore, his outfit. In the army, the only thing you could modifiy according your comfort was the cloth you wore under the jacket. Hanji used to wear a yellowy wear down shirt, wearing something pretty didn´t worry her so much, comfort was essential for her. Just only that.

Her superior, Erwin, a white linen loose shirt... But, that guy.... wore a shirt so white that practically blinded and, and if that wasn´t enough, from his neck hung a cravat perfectly tied.

Did he pretend to show an aristocratic image? His clothing sounds absurd, given his criminal record. Sure that It would be incredibly funny seeing this “so elegant” man smashing somebody face in with the knee.

She contained a laugh and focused on his face. He had a grey deep eyes, practically he seemed not blinking. Maybe this glance was that made him having so many enemies. And, in a strange sort of way, more than afraid, she felt curoisity for knowing how somebody at his age had became that expression on his aspect.

Her captain had presented her the boy, but she couldn´t even open her moth, all on this man stroke him so irreal, surrealist. He neither said anything, he just looked her up to down. After a while, Erwin made a gesture for going out from there. None of them need to know anything more of the other.

After some visits to the clothes dispensary, where they collected the boy´s supplies; and those properties essential for cohabitation; sheets, eiderdowns, warm clothing, etc; then, they walked to the wooden building. Until that day, the old and forgotten, women´s barrack C.

To avoid cause the boy´s rage, they told him that Erwin thought to became that practically empty and uninhabited barrack into a headqueartes where they could plain strategies easily with no necesity of disturbing the rest of the inferior soldiers. Therefore just a few of them could live there. Those with higher rank, some captains and squad´s leaders; and they three.

The idea of feeling superior to his workmates, hardly have met them, seemed please him. An astute idea. Every day, her admiration to that man grew more an more.

Hanji held the barrack´s key, since she was the only one who had it, and opened the door. A cloud of dust leaked out from the place invading their nostril.

“H-Hanji... I thought you kept this place clean as we pointed out you” the captain acussed while covering his mouth to can breathe.

“W-well, the truth is that I´ve been so many weeks withouth clean. I´ve been busy with a new researches, though to tell you the truth I didn´t care so much about that” she concealed with a fake smile looking away.

Both directed their sight to the young short guy trying to excusse for the mess, but he kept his glaze withouth dare enter. Suddenly, he bent down and began to look for something between his belongings, taking out a with shawl and tying it to protect his hair. Hanji looked at him surprised, he could be still more weird than he actually looked.

“I supossed something like that” he bent down over his suitcase looking for something with cover his hands, maybe rubber gloves “What are you waiting for? Bring scrub brushes and mops. I don´t pretend to sleep in a place so filthy”

“Ah, yeah... so... Hanji, please, bring all the cleaning supplies you have” Hanji looked at him with wided-eyes, _really? Were they going to clean just right now?_

.

.

.

Before she realized, she had taken off her jacket, and rolled up her sleeves. She was bent over the floor cleaning the slabs of the common bathroom. So many time withoth cleaning so frenziedly. But Erwin had insisted on paying attention to the boy for not causing problems.

It was true that the barrack was powdery and dilapidated, and needed an urgent cleaning, but what they were doing was excessive. The boy didn´t leave pass a single speck of dirt.

As long as she cleaned that zone, the captain and the boy arranged the rooms. The bath wasn´t so big, of course, but the work was as equal of tiresome. She turned on the taps to eliminate the soap from the floor until getting the drain; then she dropped the worn-out cloth she had been using on a close shelf.

While she looked the water flowed, she had an strange feeling. She: a woman. They: two men. The rest of superior who would incorporate that place bit by bit, probably, also were men. A only shower zone. Which barely could be called thus. On an area of 20 squared metres, placed some showers as the crow flies. Under each water tap, a correspondant drain.

No walls, no separation gates. At the end of the room, there were some stools with a hook over them. When there had been more women in that barrack (the few ones) used to take turns between them, bathing in threes for not being ashamed because of being nudes together at the same time.

This point never mattered her, showing in front of her mates never had been a problem. But now, she saw her shyness from a different light.

First, the man who rescued her on her chilhood and for who she had became to feel a deep and big respect. She didn´t even want to imaginate him naked. And them, the other. Of course, she didn´t want that a so insolent and unpleasant man saw her with no clothes on her body.

Probably he would tease her wounds or scars. Or, given his criminal record, probably took advantage of his strength for...

She preferred to move away that thought from her mind. From her limited observations, he seemed the typical man who was only interested on himself and his own safety. So lonely and incoherent.

In adittion, his repellent obsesion with cleaning remembered her that neat spotless hospital where she lived her own tormentor. Undoubtely, she knew that wasn´t going to bear that man. Even less sharing that small area with him.

Although, in a certain way, he reminds her the serious and grumpy old Hanji. What happened him to finish like that? What type of taumas he harboured?

“Zoe! You finished here?” her captain interrupted her, taking away her tougths.

“Ah, no, still not. It remains me a little, but I finish right now!”

“O-okey..... just that....” Hanji observed how his captain averted her eyes ashamed, did he got the same deduction as her about the bath? “We have finished the rooms and Rivaille had gone out to scrub the windows. I got to dissuade him, but you rather go to your bedroom before he decide to revise all of them. I´ll finish here, go now!”

She left in a hurry, of course, her room! Due to her job, it had an aspect completely messy. She nerver mattered if somebody clean up the place she sleep, but no way wanted that none of them saw any one of their belongings. She had too many secrets there hidden.

She flew open the door and slammed shut withouth worrying about the noise it could generate. So and how she had left that same morning, completely messy. Her interior clothes were messy on an old basket she used for carrying it to the laundry on her days off. Hundred of books opened and with notes and papers over them, decorating her desk. And, what ashamed her the most if her captain saw it. And old album filled with newspaper clippings which told all the mission she had taken part with him.

She used to look at it every night, that encouraged her to continue working hard and making an effort more every day. She hugged strongly the album, while a low blush took over her cheeks. She knew perfectly she couldn´t have those feelings, and she didn´t want to confuse herself about love.

But this was inevitable, he had became in a role model for her. She didn´t want any type of display of affection. Although, just as she had been growing, she noticed that the man stablished a fisic barrier with her. Now, barely, he hugged her or carresed her head.

“I suposse I am not a child anymore” she mumbled.

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She had fallen asleep lean back over the bed. She slaped her face three times for taking herself out of that trance and prepared to tidy her room. She opened the wardrobe and put the clothes inside.

She put in alphabetical order the books, and also put the notes over them for taking them fastly. When she got everything done, barely there was any light. The sun was setting, she lighted an old oil lamp and come back the bath looking for her boss. She didn´t waste too much time finding him, talking with the new one.

“Ah, Zoe, it will be soon the curfew, and the dining room will close. I don´t think we´ll have enough time to eat something, so I will go there with Levi to ask for the dinner as we can have dinner here. On the way, I´ll notify the rest of the troop about the changing of barrack so we can move another higher captains” he closed to Hanji covertly, and whispered on her ear “Use this time to have a shower if you want. The principal building is pretty far away and we will be late enough time for coming back”

Her cheeks burnt suddenly when she noticed it.

Both men went out the gate of the barrack leaving her alone. Decided, she had to hurry. She opened the door of her wardrobe and chose her sleeping clothes. Generally, she used to fall asleep only wearing her shirt, but now she was going to share that barrack with men, she rather be more discret.

She undressed on her room and stared at herself in the little mirror as she used to do always she bathed. The old scars didn´t vanish. To the old collection of scars came from that fire had joined some new ones. Cuts, hits, bruises she had got on her battle every day, and large burns. She had flat abs and over iliac crest bone noticed a mild pink line.

She made that scar on her first training years. One of the fastening ropes of the harness wasn´t very good tied, and dropped producing on her a deep cut. For years that scar was clearly visible, but on the last two, had began to dissapear.

However, the old scars from that fateful day refused to dissapear, as remembering her the reason why she fought agains titan and the government. Her principal aim when joining the army was always to change the way of behaving from inside to get a real progress on makind.

Her body was the living proof that her fight didn´t ease off.

She covered herlsef with a clean towel and took her spare clothes and her bath supplies. In general, she didn´t worry so much about her physique, so she only had an old jar of shampoo that Riko gave her every month and an old worn-out soap bar. Undoubtely, she rather go to supplies to get another new.

She seated her things over the stool and turned on one of the showers. The advantage of being almost always alone on that barrack was that she could bath with hot water always she wanted withouth leaving any mate out.

Hanji liked the water especially warm. While she saw the steam around her, she could feel how her skin burnt. In some way it makes her recall the suffering of her wounds. In addition, between that smoke, nobody could see her crying for all her dead mates.

Generally, she had got not to involve too much with her allies, so the immense majority of them died even before she could remember their names, and withouth can do anything to avoid their deaths. She was only strong enough to protect herself.

Just herself. Therefore she tried not to implicate too much with the rest of them. As less as she could remember their names, less painfull would be see them fall. She stood her hand on the wall and down her head while the boiling water fell over her. She began to remember as many faces as she could. Her old mates in the training.... Most of them had dead on their first expedition.

Most of them in front of her. Tears falling from her eyes with no stop. She loathed that world where she lived. Some nights, she was unable to sleep trying to uncover the mistery hidden behind those gigantic figures. Bags under her eyes, but new knowledges on her mind.

But, despite she could discover, she still fell useless. Sometimes, she blamed the army for not providing her neither enough material nor necessary permissions to realize her investigations.

But she couldn´t always blame another one. She had to accept her own useleness. For that reason she had to work more and harder. During more time. All her life it was necessary. Until all the change was real. That was her limitation as a simple soldier. But, if she stayed alive, continued fighting, she would be promoted, and all those permissions would be approved. So she didn´t thought surrender. No until reaching the truth. The real one, hidden under that sarcastic and useless society called government.

While she reflected on her thoughts, didn´t hear the figure which introduced into the bath. The misterious figure began to undress behind her withouth barely make any sound. She was too absorbed as noticing the proximity moments after.

He brought closer to her, withouth noticing, and changed the water dial from hot to cold.

“Hey!, you, are you mad? Do you think that´s a sauna? I almost smash myself against the wall with this vapour” that voice was known for her, she´d just met that same evening.

Instinctively, she span around seeing him completely naked.

“L-Levi?”

“A woman?” his eyes went down her body confirming what he just said.

On account of her aspect, tall, slim and chest pressed with her habitual tights, sometimes was confused with a man. But, generally, after a while, anybody noticed she was a woman. Her expresion, her voice.

Ashamed, she tried to cover her body with her trembling hands, while water continued falling over her. She lunged to her towel and went running from there withouth looking behind. On the way, she bumped into her captain who carried a tray with that surely would be her meal. Althought, that night she wouldn´t have any hunger.

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How long had she been on that shower as for not noticing they had just came back? She slammed the door of her bedroom, and got into the bed wetting it completely with her hair. Shit, she had forgotten her googles and her pyjamas in the bath.

Now, she was naked, soaked and with a strange sensation on her belly. Was that people call embarrasment? On her head only passed vague memories what she could observe on that boy´s body. Scar as hers, old wounds. Undoubtely, she wasn´t the only one with a difficult childhood.

Altought, there was still something that diferentiate them, that strange hanging thing she barely distinguished on the previous seconds before she fled from there. That was a man´s body? She didn´t know why it didn´t looked so horrible as she expected. Not so bad, even pretty nice. On the hall in front of her door, she could hear a strong argument.

“I didn´t know she was a fuking woman! Don´t piss me off! I went into the bathroom as I told you I´d do. You ought have warned me!”

“Agh, my bad, I thought she had just finished when we arrived, but Hanji is so scatterbrain that she barely notices the pass of the time” as he talked, remembered how many hours she could pass with no sleeping or even eating.

“Hey, you!” Levi beat the door brusqueness “Open the fucking door! You left this!”

Her clothes and glasses. She got out the bed and replaced the towel on her. She opened the door bit by bit and met his deep sight looking her head-on, with that she thought was a light blush under his eyes.

“Take it” he gave her things and twirled abruply moving away the door.

“Sir, I.....prefer have dinner tonight in my room”

“Ah, yeah, don´t worry” as always, so kind, trying to maintain composure facing that bashful situation “Today was a tiring day, you rather go to bed. Tomorrow I´ll be in charge of guiding the corporal Levi and present his squad. So you can take it off if you want”

“Thanks” she hid under the frame of the door trying to hide her embarrasment. And then, she closed it completely.

It had been an horrible day, but she didn´t expect to repeat that situation again. While she savoured her plate, noticed how funny had been the situation. The first man she had seen naked in her whole life was that grumpy boy.

And, she had to admit, that his aspect was completely different as when he wore that aristocratic cravat. She began to laugh her head off withouth stopping. She had began the day thinking that she never could bear him, but now she was starting to think it wasn´t going to be so horrible.

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Months passed by withouth any news. She could be present on the first trip on the exterior of him. Undoubtely, he was a killing machine as strong as they said. He always surprised her with his fearlessness on the battle. No doubt. On the right spot. He was born for that.

Despite the feelings that the army cherished about him first, the captain had go tame that beast for his own interest. He didn´t dare to question any one of his strategies.

Hanji´s room was skillfully separated from them two, which were adjacents. However, she heard them all nights. They left for training together, and had became to build up a new and strange relation.

After some months observing those journeys, she began to join them in their training, when there wasn´t any observation work to do. Keeping her priorities above all. Her presence on that nights seemed surprising for the boy. She could sneak a peek to him, always refering her as useless, lazy, careless, weak.

But, when they began to train together, all those nicknames were getting smaller more and more. She wasn´t any more an useless person. Neither weak. Despite he didn´t express the opposite, his silence seemed showing a new and strange respect. How long time ago had he criticised her physical condition? She couldn´t remember that.

They became to be completely got along with each others. Her friendship with the little man had became still more confusing. Under his superficial and nerver-ending annoyance he always referred to her with loads of ridiculous names. None of them hurt her really, not even mattered her. If he insulted her, she would answer back. Sometimes, she thought that he nerver tried to hurt her, just only disturb her. As a child. Or maybe something she couldn´t understand.

Why didn´t he accept her? Perphas because he was unable to understand the reason why she was the right-hand woman of their superior. Or maybe for all those new bath rules which only affecting them cause of her female presence. Every day seemed different from the earlier, but the reason of him to show always his apparent indifference to her were always the same. And, for the leader of both, sometimes those night exercises became still more tiresome cause of interceding their continuous arguments.

“It would be in your interest to look better your mates. They could became your strongest allies in the future” he sketched out while finished of putting his boots “It is not so difficult you tolerate her more, Levi”

“I didn´t join that for making friends”

“I haven´t asked you for being her friend, I just only want you treat her better”

“Tsk.”

“You rather observe her closer. She is a clever and intelligent woman. You´d surprise about you´d learn just for hearing her during five minutes”

“I barely doubt I ´d be able to stand one”

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Time passed by, two years since Levi joined that squad. Two years living under the same roof. The same squad. The same orders. The same missions. Side by side, working as a team. Those names didn´t dissapear, but something changed on him.

Before, when they had to make pairs it was really awkward. But now, she was getting used to his glaze looking after her back. And he of hers, observing him since her flank. When had everything begun to change?

However, no one of this missions would be the one were they reached an authentic friendship. It´ll be later. When the fear come back to devastate those famished citizens.

A strange epidemic had arised between the walls. An illness which devastated the population and threatened with spreading. For resolving that, they had decided to send a few group of soldiers in search of provisions.

“I know where are the herbs for that disease. I have studied it for years and I know how regconize them” she talked back hitting the table “Let me go!”

“This mission is too risky, only a reduced group will go, and I can´t leave you expose to this risk” the blond man decided staring at her.

“But if you don´t leave me go, this mission will be a complete disaster, I know it. They won´t know where look for. And it´s difficult to find” her frustration couldn´t be bigger.

“Well, if she doesn´t go alone, there´s no problem, not?” the black-haired man told, joining the conversation.

“Levi, are you offering yourself as a volunteer for the mission?” his blue wide-eyes, astonished, generally, he accepted missions unwillingly.

“I feel like killing some titans” said curtly and screwing up.

“Even so.... I can risk losing two of my best soldiers” he thought for a while “Okey, it´s decided. I´ll go with you”

This desicion was frowned upon all the member of the court-martial, but he remained firm on his risky offer. Everybody know the great team they three made. The mission looked completely successful. But, they couldn´t be more wrong...

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**Woah, I spent more time than I wanted. But I had to come back to my country (Spain), to deliver loads of documents, etc. So I think that now..... I can follow translating the rest of the chapter. Do you like the story? Let me know that.**

**My best wishes!**

 

 


	3. Collapse

 

**Disclaimer: Snk belongs to Hajime Isayama. This fic was written one year ago (in spanish) and now I am going to translate chapter by chapter to english. I hope you like my version of Hanji´s past (and also Erwin´s and Rivaille´s) before the fall of the wall.**

**English is not my first language, so I apologize for the possible mistakes.**

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She unfolded the larg map over the operation´s table. It was drawn by hand with an absolute

accuracy. Over it, could be discerned some notes writen in a disused language. Because of their confinement, between the walls all the humans only spoke the same language, neutral and developed from another ones. But, without using the original from each nacionality. Their own culture and origins, were completely lost.

Hanji, during her trainee days had entrusted with discovering and knowing her own culture, getting to dominate loads of european languages, practically forgotten, between them, her favourite one, french.

“Hanji, you drew it?” Erwin asked her astonished.

“Y-yes, I did. During our missions, I tried to study the land just for having real data. Even though, most of the zones I´ve drawn on the map, I´ve archieved them from old documents where they alluden ancient civilizations” she pointed at the map, “We are here, 50 km to the South East there is a river. Acording with my opinion, the civilization which have gathered here was settled over that zone before. In another way, we couldn´t have moved so fast to these walls when the attack of the titans began” her hand drafted an arc around the city marking out a concentric area “On the North West there sould be a tiny mountain chain. Over that we rather be able to find some grottos or excavations in the middle of the mountain. The plants we are looking for, needs a high humidity. So they are not easily found close some rivers”

“Then, it´s not more logic look for them in a river than in a cave? I don´t think there´s so much humidity and illumination inside to develop vegetable life”

“You are wrong, Erwin. Most of the caves house larges passages with are feeded by underground water currents. And, there are a great variety of plants which don´t need photosyntesis to their develop. What we need to find is something similar to a moss. Some insects ate them. And also, numerous bacterias. As well, we can find some curatives roots which we can´t get from the surface easily. So all that make it a natural medicine remarkable” she swelled her chest proud of herself.

“Woah, I impressed with your deductions” his superior praised her while stroked her head “How much time would be necessary for going and coming back?”

“Those tiny ferns have not a great time of life cause of their disability of surviving under the sun. As maximun, 24 hours. On this time we must come back and sinthesize it into a medicine. For going we can get a safe path” her finger drew a lightly “s” on the paper, “Avoiding this old valley. Once we reached the mountain I think there would not be so much problem with titans. Even, I think it´s better not to attack them directly or we´d lose time. For coming back....” this time her finger drew a straigth line “We will have to turn to direct fight. Piercing the big forest where they live. Once there, just only continue the path to the walls” she thought carefully “I reckon we will take 14 hours for arriving and 5 for coming back”.

“It seems logic. There´s no need of making imprudences until we don´t have the material in our hands” the blondie man stated “Decided, we´ll leave tomorrow. I´ll inspect the stables for getting the best horses, trained for a physical activity so continuous. Levi, you and Zoe go to raise supplies and enough sacks to carry the medicine”

“Yes, sir” both of them answered in unison, putting their right fists on their heads, and the opposite hand on the back.

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It was begining to dawn. A few group of member of the army was on the door of the city preparing 3 horses. Most of the population on that zone were resting on their homes.

Jus a few farmers gazed at the scene with certain confusion. They didn´t pay so much attention to that strange patrol. Another of their suicide missions. More taxes to pay. Nothing new. No one of them was aware of the danger those 3 soldier were going to pass for saving their lives.

The animals were finally loaded with the necessary provisions. It would be excesively complicated. She would lie if she said that she felt as enoughly confident as for say nothing would happen. A little woman with grey hair was sensitive about those doubts and run to hug her old friend.

“Don´t risk. I know you, come back in one piece has never been your priority”

“Ah, don´t worry about that. I have two great bodyguaaaaarrrrd!!!!” her prhase was interrupted by a hug from behind, a misterious and tall blonde man.

“My dear Hanji, Who will I amuse with if you don´t comeback? Who I will pass my sleepless nights? Nobody hold on as you, I´ll have to go drinking with my subordinates and some of them are quite boring”

Mike Zakarius, graduated before Hanji. But joined another squad and barely could talk with him. As years goes by, he had been promoted as squad leader. So he had passed to live in the same barrack as her. Just that, he rarely appears on his bedroom. It was rumoured he was a womanizer, and after sleeping with the young recruits, looked for some ways to preserve their smell. Hanji always wondered about how much was true and how much was a lie.

Obiously, he was a handsome man, popular between females. But so close with his private life that she couldn´t know the exact reality. Of course, on some occasions, he proposed the young Zoe. But she didn´t look as understanding his ulterior motives. And those last years, his flirts about Hanji had always been interrupted by a tiny and threaten figure. The same that stared at his hug since his horse. With his constant deep grey eyes.

“M-Mike! Stop!” she smiled happily “The troop boss and the commander are here, that´s a serious mission. Now, I can´t joke”

The commander, Enrizo Brashert, an man with only 67 years, but always looked older. So close to death. Soon, he´ll leave the Scouting Legion. Too much old as continue fighting. He directed the three soldiers positioning on their horses.

“Gentlemen, today we are in a horrible situation. We entrust you for helping us to resolve it”.

“Don´t worry boss, we´ll come back with the medicine on time” Hanji felt very optimistic, too much. She seemed not noticing what would happen later that same day.

“Thanks lord for letting us launch that mission. we´ll give our best” the man with blue eyes and gentile smile thanked.

Without saying any word, the gates opened and their horses galloped through the daybreak. Maybe the deaf sound of their spurs woke up some confused villagers. None of them would be aware until some hours later that unearthly commontion would suposse the difference between the life and the death of their lovely relatives.

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Cause of the excesive fatigue of the animals, they decided to make 4 breaks before arriving their destiny, taking turns for guarding avoiding the titans, while Zoe confirmed their position. After the 4th stop, the land became more steep. They penetrated into a valley. An old road in front of them. They followed it until the path finished.

“Well, over that protruding we should be able to find a small entrance to the grotto. Since there we could move freely inside and look for the herbs” she pointed at upwards indicating their destiny.

The three soldiers tied and hid the animals. They fitted the straps of their gear, and walked towards the sharp construction. It seemed the enoughly stable as for stand the three of them at the same time.

The entrance was really narrow. Wearing the gear was imposible to enter. They took off them camly and taking care of not damaging them. No unnecessary public expending. The first in enter was the thinner, Hanji. Right after they passed a big and worn-out bag where gather the supplies.

After that, the leader of both, harder, being pushed from out to inside. Last, the tiny man, who also entered without any trouble.

“Sir, I think you have enlarged the hole in the entrance” the girl mocked him.

Step by step they headed in the cave until it narrowed and got darker. At every moment they watched the oil lamp. Due to deeply they were, the lack of oxygen was more evident, and the light, weaker.

Suddenly, Levi opened the bag and, from a side pocket, took out a tiny glass tubes. They seemed cylinder containing, in turn, another cylinders. Inside them saw two different fluids separated between them by a crystal. Levi shook it a little against the wall and the inside glass broke and both liquids mixed causing a strange light.

“Levi......you invented that?” his superior told, amazed by the wisdom of his pals.

“Yes, sir. It occurred me when I read some chemical reports.......” he thought during some instants “written by.....Zoe”

“M-my documents?” she opened wide eyes, confused. It was true she had done some notes about natural phosphorescences, but she didn´t occur putting into practice them.

Although, what most surprised her was that man who always mocked about her and her researchs, read them hours later. The atmosphere between them made uncomfortable, and the leader of both took the bag and began to take pots.

“We´ll leave them on the land as indicating the exit” he ordered analyzing the situation “How long?”

“3-4 hours”

“Enough”.

They resumed the progress leaving a dazzling trace behind them. As if they were small firefly. Inside those walls they couldn´t find neither shiny bugs nor wild animals. Enjoying that tuneful and intoxicating atmosphere was something really unique. It made that those strange and particular mission was worth the hassle. Just for enjoy a few of not foul air. Of freedom.

They kept an eye on the roof and walls trying to find roots or moss. But no one appeared, they needed to find a common side where those herbs grew. After a while, the humidity on the land became more evident, pointing out the direction and origin of the water current they required. When they reached almost the end of the cave, it became narrower.

“Look out” he gasped Hanji´s shoulder preventing her fall “The way ends here, now there´s just those hole in the land. Any ideas, Hanji?”

“Mmmmm” the girl started to examine the soil around her “Very wet, and calcification on the trench´s wall. That´s the correct way, here´s what we are looking for”

“I entrust you”

She broke one of the cylinders and dropped it into the trench. Maybe 5 metres of fall, becaming bigger at the end. 70 centimetres of diameter. She watched carefully the bottom where had fallen the tube and could see a light. Round it there were a field filled with the drugs they wanted. That was the suitable place.

“If we take all the herbs we find there down, we´ll have sufficient as for generate medicine for all the population” the quiest boy pointed.

“It´s very tight, Zoe, I don´t know how you want we came down” her superior calculated the narrowness and announced his veredict. Imposible to cross.

“I´ll go down myself. I´m the slimest from us three. I´ll fill the bag, you´ll lift it and I´ll come back to go out. Simple, fast and efective”

“It´s too dangerous. Maybe should be I who...” Erwin began to speak.

“You? It´s necessary I remind you how you got stuck in the entrance?” she slaped the land representing the previus scene lived instants before with a mischievous smile.

An imperceptible relaxation, as if that was funny for him, appeared on the young boy, hanging the the face for concealing.

“It´s okey, go you, Zoe. We´ll last as less as possible” it was embarrassing concede it. But it was true. He didn´t have why hide it any more.

But he was still afraid by her safety. Barely minutes later, he´ll know why about that strange hunch.

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The descent was good, she took off her harnesses as using them as a rope. While she went down, could see how narrow was the land crack, she barely could move on it. In the middle more or less it increased hugely letting glimpse a colossal cave.

She started to attack the rock taking out everything she found. Undoubtely, she was going to get a great shioment. Then, she saw a root. One of she needed, started to scratch up around ir really excited. As the same way she had found the other ones.

The root was quite big. _Better_ , thought for herself. When she saw clearly the hard zone of the root, she began to slice with her knife. The stalk began to collapse and she decided to pull with her bare hands. Generating diverse wounds on them.

Finally, the plant collapsed and she fell back with it on her thighs. Cause of the darkness she didn´t notice the crack she had done on the stone. Even, the low light still more weak of the glass she had thrown behind her, drew closer what would happen.

She tied up everything she found on the stone and tied to the harness made with her belts. Both man started to pull up. In the moment the bag got stuck on the aperture, they pulled harder, diging round it.

Finally, the bag was completely out. The woman was tiying herself to the rope when a stone fell over her head. When she directed her gaze up, just only could saw a landslide falling over her, enlarging significantly the hole but trapping her.

Only could react instictivately covering her head with the arms as for protecting herself. Her chest hurts. How many broken bones should she have? She felt that the presion of the rocks got smaller. Somebody was taking this, pushing them off.

Unconsciously, she raised her head up and saw the young man with jet hair hoisting her little by little. Over them she could her superior´s face worried. The hole had enlaged completely, and the stones had fallen over her body. Something she didn´t prevent. She felt so insecure and stupid for her lack of wisdom about that. She didn´t want to listen _I tell you_.

She didn´t need so much to know the origin of the landslide, that fucking root. Her greed betrayed her. She had enough of them, but she wanted the biggest one. The little man held her to his back and she could feel pain in her whole body. _Stupid, stupid, stupid_. He took a rope and climbed the new wall carrying her. She barely could move by herself. _Stupid, stupid, stupid. You are so weak, you´ll never became a great leader if you need somebody help you,_ that was all she could think.

Once she reached the top, Erwin hugged her protective. He groped for wounds. The right leg and arm broken, severals ribs fractured and a strong contusion on the chest. Her reflexes made her protect from the rocks when falling over her, so it saved her from something worse.

Hanji considered the situation. She couldn´t walk, couldn´t ride. No fighting against titans, not directly. She was a burden.

“Erwin, you must leave now” she holded the face of the man who had saved her on her chilhood and didn´t show any hint of douts, her final decision “If you carry me I´ll be just a dead weight. We won´t arrive on time”

“Are you crazy? I can´t leave you here. I will abandon nobody”.

“We can´t lose more time, if I go with you, that will slow more” she coughed frendziedly and the dark blood stained her lips.

“Even with that....” he tried to say restraining the humidity on his eye sockets.

“Sir, she is right. We can´t lose any time more. The medicine must arrive as before as possible. We hadn´t done that expedition for anything” his superior encloser him ready to push him again the wall, when the lips of the boy moved again “I´ll carry her back”.

“What?” he asked while his fist loosened few centimetres from his face.

“Give me a horse. I´ll take the same way we took for arriving here. More safe”.

The clear blue eyes of the man weighed the idea one moment. It wasn´t impossile. In fact, it was the most viable option. And he was the best in his whole troop. He knew he would be better as safeguard than himself.

He looked down the girl who laid half-conscious waiting for facing any order he gave her.

“If you don´t bring her back, I´ll kill you” his voice turned threatening whil talked.

“If I don´t get bring her back, I won´t bother crossing the gates of the city” he expressed smug.

That said, in a overprotecting way, he bent down over her ally, who still struggle for breathing on the floor and kissed his fringe.

“Miss Zoe, you are not allowed dying”

“Don´t worry, I won´t” she make an effort for smiling and evade his worrying.

But, as much as she wanted, her waste face showed the pain she suffered on that moment. No way for feeling as if she didn´t feel anything. Just she only got to raise her eyebrows with desperation more for the people whose lives were already polluted by the sickness than her own life.

He took fastly all the medicines, loaded on his shoulder and went running out the cave. While he went away she could hear him saying _We´ll see in a few hours._ She concentrated again in her task and got away everything while the tears fell with no stop from her face.

Still close the narrow hole, Hanji had got sit up for make easier bandage. Cause of leaving everything on the horses, they have few things for healing. A big fissure crossed her leg.

Her abdomen started to show a dark scarlet colour. Before she realizing, Levi had taken off her jacket and began to unbutton her shirt.

“Hey, little depraved, what do you expect? I am weak, but I still can fight against you” her stomach hurt too much, but she tried endeavour giving a hint of a smile.

“Here there´s nothing I haven´t seen before, I don´t know why should I surprise” he said with his always inalterable and serious tone of voice.

With that words, the girl remmenbered that awkward day 2 years ago. Her shirt was out her body, barely showing her old and worn-out tight. The man took the knife and cut it beginning from the bottom.

“You have severlas broken ribs... that excesive pression will only damage you more...” he announced softly while the breast of the woman arised from her clothes.

He averted his eyes and covered her with his own jacket. Leaving glimpse her gut. With the old shirt, he cut it as for making a bandage for covering his low belly.

Right after, he took out his own shir and repeated the same operation with the leg. The girl barely could aver her eyes from she interior shirt he was wearing. It showed completely his sculpted torso. The same one she saw years ago. But, with new scars. She knew it shouldn´t surprise her, but , why couldn´t she stop staring at him? And, overall, it surprised her all that attentiveness while he performed her first aids. From him, she barely know about his battle skills. All that type of moments were uknown for her.

Finally, he took two little branchs enoughly hard and, taking both jackets, tied them to the girl´s legs. When he finished all those operations, directed his gaze again to the girl evaluating her injuries. Cause of taking off the jacket which he had covered her, could see again those breast again. He took off his interior shirt and wore her with it. She couldn´t avoid blushing for that.

He loaded her on his back, and walked out the grotto.

Her head weighed hugely. Broken ribs pressed down on her chest. She found hard breathing. They had been walking for long clumsily trough that confusing crossroad. She barely got to see the luminescence which indicated the path.

“I didn´t expect touching you” his tone of voice echoed taking her out from her mental delays and those unforgetable memories. “Maybe you preferred he had done that..... I mean, the captain”

That phrase surprised her. Her captain, Erwin. So long admiring him and shaping that strange urge he saw her as something more than a defenseless child. Maybe just because she wanted to be really useful or maybe because he never shared secrets with her and she wished to be part of it.

Or maybe, in the deepest part of herself, she was still a child, as she was once, who wanted his big brother looked at her more. But, Erwin was no part of her family, that fact was something she had forced to memorize after several years next him.

“It´s so evident?” she admitted.

It wasn´t a big secret the affection she profess to him since her most tender chilhood. Recently, was rumored that Erwin used to meet some women. He didn´t deny any of those rumors.

“Everybody in the quarters know. They joke about that saying you are his mistress”

“Ha, ha...” she laughed ironically “He never had seen me....... as a woman.......For him I´m.... like his little sister....He..... never has...... tried touch me.....” that´s the reason why he avoided caress her during the last years. She had to recognize that distancing from him hurts.

“That´s mean you´d like it he does?” the man demanded.

“N-n-no.. I...” she tightened her fists buring her head on his back. “....I want draw on...leave behind that old story.... I can´t....... I can´t be a little girl forever....”

Her words gave out and sounded still more hollow. The silence began to be each time more sharp. Just interrupted for the sound of their own footsteps.

“Why you shout suddenly? Has you got tired of talking about silliness?”

“......” just silence and a strange candour on his back.

“Zoe?”

No answer back. He stopped a moment, close the exit. He placed the woman on the floor and looked at her features. She had stopped talking. Her eyes were closed forcefully making an effort for breathing. The damaged bones scractched her lungs preventing her breathe normally.

“Zoe! Wake up! Fuck! Hanji!” he shouted powerless patting her face.

She opened slighly the eyes, breathing with difficulty. A tear of pain went across her cheek. She was strangling.

Her nostrils were blocked, it was necessary help her to breathe. Gently, his face got closer to hers, and started to blow air into her lungs. He looked how her chest swelled, reducing the pression on the woman´s face. He repeated it again 5 times more.

Hanji became oxygenated and recover part of the lost colour on her face. The risk had passed, altough still was soon to say that. He separated his lips from hers and watched her during some instants. She didn´t seem as losing consciousness.

“Better?” he asked while he sitting her up.

“Y-yes. Thanks.”

She was again on his back, and left finally the narrow cave. The light of the sun blinded them and damaged theis pupils, but never before had wished so come back to see it. On that protuberance they were hours before he could see their gears. He put on him and picked her up on his arms while took down the gradient.

Where they left the horses hours before they found one of them an one one. _You are not allowed to die,_ anything more. A curt note and with any type of explanation. Hanji looked at the crumpled paper and smiled.

The boy with dark hair helped the women to sit on the horse and sit behind her. With a hand held the reins and with the other one wrapped her body as not falling. He hit softly the rump and it began to move.

The woman was so tall than her head laid on his shoulders, blowing her breathe directly on his neck. On this way he could check her breathing if she need resuscitation again. She seemed conscious, but thoughtful.

“What are you thinking?”

“..............anything”

“I suposse you also preferred that.......” he made a face without continue.

“No, no. I don´t....... I understand the situation and I express my gratitude for helping me. It´s just.... I suposse It´s not........ a real, you know, _that_ , hahahaha” she faked smile trying to conceal her nervousness.

“That?”

“I-I ´ve never received the contact of....... the lips of nobody before over....... over mines” she turned her head pretty confused and blushed, deeping it on his chest as not showing her obvious anxiety on that moments.

“.........”

“I suposse it´s weird saying my first kiss had been when I was half-dead, hahaha”

“......”

“Levi, you........... Had you ever kiss somebody before yet, not?

“........That......................... was not any kiss.....................that was cpr...........just this. I don´t think it matters” he averted his eyes.

“ You didn´t answer my question” she repeated raising her gaze and staring at his nulity of facial´s expresions.

“.........What does it matter?”

“ I told you it, at least you should respond a lady”

“A lady? You are not any lady. You are the least similar to a woman I´ve never known” he directed his gaze to the horizon waiting his silence was answer enough.

“That´s not nice”

“I has not said I wanted to be. Shut up and just fucking rest it. Still remains hours to arrive.

“When you answer my question”

“You are a pain in the ass”

“I thought we became to be friends. The friends tell those thins, not? I don´t think it´s so bad you also share things with me”

“When has I said I be your friend?”

“Aren´t we?”

“.......” her constant persistence didn´t give him rise to continue ignoring her petition “Okey..................................... No, I´ve not........................ are you happy now?” he hardened his gaze forward.

“Woah, how surprising, I know you are quite popular between the females on the barracks, It´s surprising for me you´ve never....”

“Maybe it´s because I´m not interest on any of them” he interrupted her.

“Aren´t you interested on anyone?”

“.............”

“Don´t you respond again? You know mine with Erwin. Come on, stop being so close-minded. It won´t happen anything worse if you confess you are human sometimes. Having feelings for someone doesn´t mean....” she started to say dramatically shaking her arms as if she performed a stage play.

“Maybe..........” he interrupted her again “there´s somebody.........”

“A girl?”

“Something like that”

“And why don´t you ask her out? I don´t think you are the traditional soldier devoted who respect all the nonsense rules they impose us” maybe this was one of the few thins she saw she agree with him: thouthands of rules and most of them nonsenses.

“................It´s...................complicated...........she........................” he avoid her again “.................She had never seen me as a man”

“So....... you are exactly in my situation, aren´t you?”

“.............”

.

.

.

They carried on riding for hours until they saw the walls. Inmediately, he carried Hanji to the hospital where his superior welcomed her holding back tears. She entered directly to surgery. Then everything became black. For days, without be able to open her eyelid.

Completely dark as the lion´s den. Thouthands of nightmares stroke her dreams not letting her rest. The pinch she feel were real or not? Was she alive or not? Why couldn´t she open the eyes? What was that strange sensation she felt constantly on her arm?

When she finally recover conciousness, the first she saw when woke up was her superior reading a book next her. She felt her body heavy and dopey. As if she had been crushed by a enormous beast.

“Oh, Hanji, you finally woke up” he closed the pages of the book and he seemed calmer when seeing her again awake “You´ve been unconscious for.......... 4 days” his smile looked gloomy at pronouncing that number “It made me glad seeing you have recovered” he get closer and hugged her “Thanks for coming back”

“Erwin...... you stink”

“Sorry, we´ve been here since they operate you and we have no chance of having a shower for acompanying you”

“We?” she directed her gaze down and discovered the rider who carried her back to those walls. He was asleep with her head laying down her bed.

She caressed his locks of black hair and noticed how dirty he was. The clean-freak hadn´t had shower for acompany her. She felt a stabbing pain on her chest. She tied it to the pain of her wounds and preferred not care so much.

“Captain, I.....”

“Hanji.......... I am not your captain........ they are going to promote me as commander........I´ve asked for you be promote next to me, as squads leaders. Maybe when you go out, they´ll leave you participate in some mission riskier and more complicated. Captain´s meetings. You know what consist of all that. You came with me as vicecaptain before”

Of course, that heroic action was imposible not to be reward. Despite that, she didn´t feel completely comforted. She leaned back and watched that white roof so hated. Undoubtely, her recovering will remain longer. She lowered her gaze to his colleague. Tired looks and bags similar to hers, but with a permanent brow furrowed. She smiled slightly.

“Maybe this time, will be less horrible” she thought.

**.**

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**.**

**I apologize for last too much. I was busy with my degree and moving to another city. I hope you like the story. I´ll try to translate the next soon.**

**And, as all the chapter I´m deepely sorry about the mistakes, it´s pretty hard to write in another language. If you see some mistakes easily rectifiable, just tell me and I´ll rewrite that.**

 


	4. Dazzle

**Disclaimer: Snk belongs to Hajime Isayama. This fic was written one year ago (in spanish) and now I am going to translate chapter by chapter into english. I hope you like my version of Hanji´s past (and also Erwin´s and Rivaille´s) before the fall of the wall.**

**English is not my first language, so I apologize for the possible mistakes.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

5 months. 5 months passed on that hospital. She had to remember every day that horrible place. On her chilhood she had been hospitalized as consecuence of some serious burns. On that occasion, cause of several fractures.

At the beginning, they had diagnosed 8-9 months hospitalized. However, a little help had helped her to recover. A little help she never expected.

During her hospitalize, Levi went to see her every day. Always carrying paperwork to resolve. Although she was off sick, in the army didn´t exist neither holidays, nor free days. She had to continue her researches although she was prostrated in a bed. Despite he was to see her by works reason, it made her happy having somebody who chat with. Even with that neat freak who talk so little. At least he heard her without complaining.

The new commander.... saw her fewer each time. His promotion has spent his whole time. Commander´s task, used to say at her. Another types of responsabilities which keep him involved and away from her. Undoubtely, she yearned for him. His absence was only hidden by the company of her ally.

Her expected discharge came earlier. While her mate was with her, they tried to exercise her tired musculature for boosting her recovery. Staring at his serious and deep glae, she used to joke with him about he enjoyed torturing her for mocking about his height. Months passed, before than expected and she went out that hospital. Filled with sad memories.

She had rehearsed severals times what she´d said when she see her supeior. What to say, how show herself, what aspect she rather have. But, cause of being a so suddenly recovery, they didn´t warn the commander, who went out in a mission three days before she left the hospital. And wouldn´t back in some weeks.

“Buff............. it´s so boring.....” she yawned slightly leaned back.

Two days passed since the date of exit from that white and clean place. She was in the common room of captains lied over Mike´s legs, who lastly showed very harmless about her. In a corner, a little figure read the newspaper calmly.

“Undoubtely, you´ve been too long there enclosed, so coming back and there´s nothing to do must be tedious” he caressed his stubble with his finger pretending to sound interesting “I suposse they gave you a list of the new members as you can make your new squad”

“Yeah, I´ve read the data of some of them; and they are quite interesting. Although I barely doubt most of them are capable to join the team I want to form. I doubt they can hang in there my pace.”

“My team is especialized on search and hunt. When I began, they assigned me some random boys and I made them to specialize on that. You can also do it”

“I know it Mike, but, I don´t think the new recruits are really interested into joining a squad who is destinated to researching. Even the superiors don´t like the idea of a investigation´s team. They think I am going to lose the time.”

“And that boy? I remember one of the new recruits asking for be assigned in your team when it was formed. He seemed quite persistent. I got to think he was _too much persistent”_

“Ah, yes. That. I-dunno-what Banner. I´m going to name him vice captain of my team.”

“Really? He could be a weirdo, Hanji. He seemed too strange.”

“Of course, he seemed a boy very dedicated. And he has been one of the best from his promotion. I´m sure it will be really interesting having him in my team”.

“I´m not sure if I feel more pity for you or for him cause of bearing you....” a cutting and sharp voice told since his seat.

“What about you, Levi? How is going to be your squad? What are they going to be specialized in?

“Attack”

“What? Just only strenght? That´s all? Anything more?

“Tch.”

“And which novices are you going to admit in your team? Do you have doubts as me?”

“No”

“Really? Tell me. Who is going to be in your team?”

“Four brats”

“Only four?” she turned towards Mike who began to read again the list of new cadets “Wasn´t the limite 7 or 8 each squad? Isn´t it better if there´s more boys in your team? More offesinve strenght, biggest aggressiveness”

“I actually has also only four. It´s easier to control and train less boys and you can focalize more the work. It´s also more effective in the battle. More concentration, less distractions. When I worked under Erwin´s order we were also a few ones”.

“Four........ Maybe I´ll do the same. I´d like to have a girl in my team, as you have Mike. And you, Levi, what about you? Are you interested in any female recruit? I´m pretty sure there will be strong girls on this promotion.”

“.....”

“Why doesn´t he asnwer?” she turned to Mike who seemed laughing sideways.

“Levi has showed enough attention to four recruits with character and pretty aggressives. In fact, they are quite funny. Four dorks. When they move to our team, you´ll see them quite often. I´m sure you´ll like them.”

“Aggressive, hahahaha. I´m sure he chosed them because they look like him. They´ll be a group of grumpies. When we went out, we´ll scared the rest of squads. I hope titans don´t run away, because it´ll be too boring”

“Well, one of his futures allies won´t scare so”

“Ah, not?”

“Come on, Levi. Talk her about your future squad” he told with sarcasm “Talke her about all them”

“What happen with your squad?” the girl stood up fastly facing the man.

“.....”

Still motionless on his corner, he hid more behind those greyish pages matching his eyes and his character. He didn´t seem interested at all in keeping a conversation about those lucky four he had chosen.

She supossed that his judgement was focalized on their ability of reaction and attack as their ability of movement and strenght. Perphas, one of those who had the best qualifications. She could imagine who had been them. But, she only came to her mind the image of four boys really hefty and intimidating.

Or maybe, one of them had the same dilemma as him with his height and for that reason Mike was mocking about that fact. A soldier from his team who wouldn´t scare the rest of them. The more she tried to imagine, the less she could do it.

“How is the new cadet who is not frightening? Is he..... you-know....... as Levi?” she insinuated assuring herself that aforementioned directed one of his offensive gaze towards the insinuation of himself.

“Oh, yeah. Of course. It´s a cadet quite midget. But that´s not the problem. I suposse It´s normal this person be short”

“Then what?”

“Well, as you know... It´s odd finding women in the recon corps. In fact, we have actually the principals barracks occupied and only you were in the peripheral one.”

“Yes, I know it. None of the girls who were already in the recon corps will be good enough for my team. And I´m not sure if between the new ones I´ll find a useful one” she frowned her brow thinking in herself. On Mike´s squad there was two women, who were a little older than her. Undoubtely, another veterans who she hadn´t had the pleasure of talking so much cause of living in different barracks.

“In fact, cause of the new joinings, there had been restructuring regarding the assigning of barracks”

“Ah, yeah. Erwin talked me about that. Maybe some new boys will also come to live to our barrack. I don´t mind. I´ve been living with you long time, a pair of men more won´t disturb me. What does it have to do with his squad?”

“Because women´s barracks are now so crammed that had been necessary request some of them to move. And one of them will be moved with us”

“Then she´ll be in danger cause of you” Hanji pointed out “Although.... At least I won´t have to shower alone” she began to miss the another females on that scrawny and tiny derelict building “And you don´t mind that, Levi? I thought you thought it was tiresome I was there”

“I don´t give a fuck” he replied curtly.

“Of course you _dont give a fuck._ You were who offered the room adjacent Hanji´s room for moving her” he wrapped Hanji with his arm and moved her closer perceiving the impatience of the third on that room each time more obvious “She´s a gorgeus girl, with orange-coloured hair and big eyes”

“Wow, wow......... So he asked for she moved here expressely” she noted while she stroked her chin with distrust. Women, something he didn´t show any interest, but something she always could mock about “That´s could be suspicious...”

“Of course he did. That girl is one of his future subordinates. When he delivered the report of her future move, he talked with a serious voice with no worryings and said he preferred the other soldiers didn´t fluster the members of his team”.

“EHHHHHHHHHHHH?” she directed to the man hidden behind the press “Levi, why didn´t you tell me you are going to have a subordinate so cute?”

“It´s a soldier more” he replied seriously.

“Don´t lie, he looks like an angel. You know I am jealous for that”.

“I didn´t choose her for that. She´s good enough to be in my squad, that´s all. Leave me alone” his fingers paged the newspaper trying to evade that tedious conversation.

“That´s mean he wants her for him alone. That´s why he had hidden her in our barrack, for that any other man dare touch her more than him. Not even he leaves me getting closer to her room” Mike yawned with fake tears on his eyes “What a pity, we are going to have a cute girl so near and we can´t talk to her withouth his autorization”.

“I have not hidden her” his habitual apathetic tone of voice. Nothing surprising “But if she is going to be part of my team I don´t want she get distracted. Although.... maybe put her next to Hanji will be the worst distraction she is going to have”.

“So.... Distract her, eh? Come on Mike, go to see our future new little prey. I feel like seeing if she´s so brave and strong as for be part of the absolutely unique and bidimensional Levi´s squad” the corner of her mouth hoisted in a spooky face while she planned her next job.

“............ If I had known it was so fun for you two, I´d have chosen any other brat”

.

.

.

They were seen serenely from the corner to the exterior patio. The new recruits were training. They glazed fastly and promptly could sight the little figure. They didn´t know if it was cause of the optic effect of sunrays reflecting over the meadow or cause of the fatigue. Or maybe it was due to the shine on her hair. But the girl seemed be surrounded by a light halo.

“I told you she was a cutie, Hanji” he looked around trying to find his partner “Hanji? Hanji?”

He turned the sight forward and saw the woman running towards the tiny girl, who, when saw Hanji, scared and left motionless. Hanji received her with a big hug hoisting her from the ground. She seemed to be in a panic attack without being able to react. A strange and arrogant woman was caressing her on a strange and embarrasing way.

“You are really cute, come to my squad and abandon Levi, please. I´ll treat you fine and we´ll sleep together talking about researches and new discoveries. I asked a lot for women, but they didn´t show me any woman profile which fitted in what I needed. But If you want I can ask for transfer you and-” she talked in a rush barely breathing.

“Ah, ah, I......... You must be captain Zoe. Nice to meet you, my name is Petra Ral. The captain has talked a lot about you”

“About me?” the impressed girl began to take down the tiny woman.

“Yes, when he did the introduction with the rest of my mates mentioned about the rest of the captains and talked us a lot about you. I think you are a great leader, miss Zoe. Despite he express himself in a rude, ill-mannered and impolite way, I think you get on well with him. It seems he esteems you”

“Woah, so Levi talks about me when I´m not near... Tell me more”

That was strange. She never expected he could appreciate her. And... Why was she so happy for that fact? She couldn´t know why she was so pleased for he talking about her. And, again, that pain in her chest. Wounds? Wasn´t she completely recovered? She decided to forgive those strange feelings. _Only wounds, they are only wounds_ , she forced herself to think.

That same night, Petra, settled in the room next Hanji as it was predetermined, for her own safety. Sincerely, she made glad having another woman between those walls, so the schedules of shower wasn´t only for her. And she wouldn´t have to feel alone in those moments.

Undoubtely the young girl was very cheerful and likeable, so they got along fastly. The hour of the shower became almost a ritual for both. First Petra knocked shyly the door, and Hanji went out covered in a towel with any type of shyness. Sometimes, her subordinate wondered if before she arrived there, she showed the same lack of shame.

Although those doubts dissipated when she saw her future captain restraining mister Zakarius and urging him to leave the building during some hours joining the rest of captains and leaders who were there.

They got undressed and Hanji gazed at the smooth and spotless skin of the girl. Without any type of flaw, even some zones were covered with tiny freckles which make her body still more alluring and irresistible. All that was embellished with elegant ways and her measured way of talking. It was evident she was a girl well-behaved.

Despite of being short, she have a beautiful curves. Her hair was smooth and straight. A little longer than Hanji used to have, tied back in a little braid on her back. But when she let it loose, it didn´t show any tangle, in contrast to hers.

It caused her a deepest envy. Even, being so young, she could notice that the pass of the years and the intense fight hadn´t still destroyed her body. Her smooth skin, white and without defects, no marks of combat. No scars.

How long could she keep that? Maybe she could, in contrast to her, she hadn´t pass long part of her life with wounds already acquired for her whole life

“You are very attractive, no doubt. You have a beautiful body and a nice face. Somebody was generous with you when made you”

“Th-thanks miss Zoe. B-but don´t say those things, y-you also are beautiful”.

Hanji looked herself on the old mirror of the bathroom. Cause of the cares of Levi, her aspect didn´t have so many scars, she also gained weight. Her breasts, cause of being so many time resting without her habitual tight had taken advantage of it for growing a little more. She barely could regconize the woman in front of her. She didn´t see herself still more feminine, not even saw herlsef different. But, when comparing to another woman so evidently remarkable couldn´t avoid feeling a little blurry with herself. In any way her physique seemed a little sweetier than she remembered. Or maybe it was only a illusion cause of her last months of boredom. And again those strange feelings on her chest. _Why do I feel different? Maybe, that´s thanks to Levi´s cares._ And again the pain on her chest. _Why I feel so strange those last days? Fucking midget, you are the worst doctor I´ve never know. You didn´t healed me well....Whatever, I don´t want to give it importance._ She soaped up her hair and entered on the closer shower to the little girl. 

“Petra, being so pretty you must have had lots of boyfriends” she let out without prioring warning.

“Ah, no” her cheeks red-coloured instanly “M-my parents wouldn´t leave me it”

“Suitors, maybe?”

“My father doesn´t like so much those things, so never.... I´ve never have so much relation with the boys of the distric where I lived. Not until I joined the army. There, I suposse........ with my army-mates. A-although that´s not mean I.... have done..... anything....”

“So, you never kissed anybody?”

“N-no....” she answered with her cheeks still more and more coloured “A-and you, captain? I s-suposse that for being older....”

“Me....” she stayed thoughtful “I could say yes, although....” she remembered the touch of the lips from his old friend over hers with longing. _Only cpr, that wasn´t any kiss._ This was his words “It´s better don´t think to much on that”

“I see....”

.

.

.

Mornings intensified and passed unhurried. As the rest of them she have lived there before, she proceeded to wake up and directed to personnel´s room. She didn´t last so much in finding her little, blushing and shy new mate carrying a tray with her breakfast. She didn´t hesitate and sat next her, she was better company than the other sullen and curt cadets.

The breakfast, as the same as all the meals they served on that dining room were bland, tasteless. Food prepared beforehand and with no originality. It included boiled eggs, juice, milk and coffee. No toasts, no cereals. She missed her meals on the hospital. Heating milk, accompanied with fresh fruit and all type of feast you only could taste if your life was in danger. An authentic honor dealing with it was destinated to dying people. She laughed at that thought. Petra cleared her throat, interrupting her feelings.

“Miss Zoe.... Do we can cook here?”

“Yes, a bit. Why? What do you want to do? I don´t know if they leave us entering in the kitchens of personnel, but if you are proposing breaking the rules and cook something more decent from what they serve us, I´ll support you and defend if they caught us”

“No! I-I don´t want to get into problems when I´ve just arrived. I-I just wonder if.... If we buy the ingredients.... If they let us cooking something different in our free time.... A pie... maybe, something sweet.... Like this...”

“I see....Do you want to make a cake heart-shappered for Levi?” she hummed with happiness.

“Ah, I, not, no, no, no!” showing herself so nervous only intensified more her charmings. Hanji noticed the glazes she directed to him, and also her way of talking about him. “I-I just thought.... we could make a welcome retinue for the back of the team left days ago. I thought it was a good idea that after the hard battles they have to bear....”

“Petra, you are so sweet and generous that I´m pretty sure all the people in that room (even myself) would marry you without doubting”

“M-miss Zoe, don´t say so embarrasing things”

“What could we do....” she thought on Erwin and the time she hadn´t seen him. A little moan on her chest. Again reticence from her old wounds? “Hummmm, it maybe a good idea. I´ll try they give us a disuse zone, alright?”

“T-thanks”

Collecting the ingredients for the elaboration of the caked wasn´t too dificult. But too expensive. The city dealers used to abuse about the prices. Not even her condition on the army could suposse an incentive for them to low their exorbitant prices. Too many time without being near of the stoves with the intention of cooking and began to doubt about her skills.

It would be a hard task. Hanji haven´t been without cooking since she lived alone on her barrack. More o less 3 years ago. Maybe 4. Really, she couldn´t remember for certain when was the last time she has cooked on that quarters. Petra seemed so coordinated and get used to those task that she tried not showing so absentminded in front of her subordinate.

Even that, her clumsy was demonstrated 20 minutes later. Ashamed, she passed Petra the whipping ribs for whisking the whites ones. She took a look to the kitchen.... It was incredibily messy and dirty.

“Levi is gonna kill me” she thought.

“Miss Zoe...” Petra began to talk again. “Do you know if....if Lev-...if the captain has a fiancée?”

“Oh, not. He has nor girlfriend nor lover”

“Ah.....” again thoughtful. “B-but...... he...... likes someone else?”

“Well, that...... I think so.” she knew about the feelings of the little girl about his friend, but she didn´t considerate correct lying her. “But promise me you won´t say anything about that”.

In a certain way, she remembered herself with the commander, she didn´t wanted to damaged her nor making illusions innecesarily. And, in other way it was his friend and mate, so quiet and siently she couldn´t image what class of reaction he´d have if she tell him about her feels. She didn´t think he would reject her violently, but Petra seemed so fragile and delicate that doubted that the strange and curt ability of Levi of expressing himself was the most right for treating her.

Again that fucking pain when she thought on him. Was she afraid about Petra´s feelings? Why was she wondered about how would he rejecting somebody? _Maybe in the same way he rejects me, you are filthy shitty-glasses, go to get a fucking shower._ She laughed in a low voice.

“D-do you know who is her?”

_Her._ That misterious woman he talked about long time ago. Hanji pondered the question one moment, she haven´t come back to talk about that fact since they left that cave. But she had wondered about who could she be, but didn´t dare to ask him again. Not because the curiosity didn´t overwhelmed her, only becase she doubted he answer.

“The truth...... I´ve never asked him about that. It´s his private life, I don´t think it be a good idea interfere on that. Although I think it would be funny knowing which type of woman he likes. I meet him since long time ago, but he never seemed to me as somebody interested in women. He is pretty odd”

“Y-you are right.... I ´m sorry. And you?”

“My types of men?”

“No, no,... I mean... If you are married or have....”

“No, I´m not. It´s forbidden. Captains can´t get married”

“That´s sad. Can´t have somebody to love”

“I didn´t say we can´t like anybody? We can do as we want without being catched. Being lovers or sleep with somebody. I shouldn´t tell you that, but that´s the truth. If you want to have an affair, don´t shout about it. Be discreet and don´t allow it interferes on your work”

“Oh, then, you......”

“If I like somebody? That´s a bit complicated to explain, Petra. As your superior, you rather should understand I cannot tell you about that”

“N-no. I-I apologize for that.... I mean that.....” she pondered before to continue. “What do you think about the captain? I mean, you get on so well...”

“Well,.... he´s a grumpy dwarf, antisocial, violent, churl.... Although.... when he wants he can be very kind. But he´s an idiot who shows her friendliness on a incoherent ways” the large mop moistened with the liquid that was over the shelf she was ordering. “I told you before, he´s weirdo”.

“Kind?” she surprised at her comment. She´ve never seen that man who would be her future captain showing no shred of friendliness. Just an actitude strict and severe to all his allies. _Perphas that friendliness is only showed at certain persons,_ she thought. That with he had developed a bond of trust in the battlefield. Something she was still unconnected.

A little figure heared the conversation backed on the door. He left going away from that while he gather the last words he could remember.

“Kind, what a silliness” he mumbled.

.

.

.

The awaited return, it was pouring. Hanji took the result of her hard work on those days and served it on the dining room. All the soldiers were very happy and triying to make passes at the little Petra. They seemed more interested in her than the improvised-welcome feast. Hanji looked everywhere, the soldier she was more interested here wasn´t there. Maybe on his office, as always. A commander doesn´t have time for spare time. That were the words he used to say lastly. She cut a little piece and arranged to carry him it. Perphas it wasn´t too sweet or tasty. But she would obly him to swallow it before he gave an excuse. This wasn´t to be a busy day for him. And less after having waited his return for so long.

While she left, a deep grey eyes followed her towards the door. She, external to this gaze, continued serenely revising the rehearsed words since weeks ago.

She walked eager but with care. The floor was quite wet cause of the rain. Maybe even a bit slippery. The gummed sole of her boots barely let her walk coherently. She could already sight the coarse crystal with arrived to his new office. A bit opaque and maybe rickety.

As far as she approached, she reviewed the words she want to say for welcoming. Maybe ask about his wounds, or what they got. Achievements. Fall. Loss....

Then, she discerned it, another person apart of him was on that office. That person wasn´t wearing an uniform, but a lovely pinky long dress. The fabric didn´t seem excessively good expensive, but undoubtely was something more attractive than a cadet would wear on her day off. Different from was she wore of course. On that moments, Hanji only wore a black tight suit with a white shirt she considerated quite comfortable. Even Petra wore a long skirt with a colour not so attractive.

Somebody wearing in a pastel tone with light detals of cherry soot wasn´t known for her. A precious and slight blonde brad fell until her waist. A woman with a voluptuous figure and unknown for her. She wasn´t a soldier, the figure of that woman didn´t belong to any of the members of the army she could regconize. And her commander was hugging now this figure.

Driven by the panic, she turned round and began to run in opposite direction, not being aware she stepped on, bumped into Petra, staining the clothes with the glazed.

“M-miss Zoe, are you fine?” she tried to remove diligently the chocolate´s stains with a handkerchief, but barely she anything. Hanji didn´t stop as if she needed to go out from there no matter what.

“Ah, yeah, don´t worry. I should go getting changed right now” she forced a smile without daring look at her. “Petra, make me a favor, could you pick up all this and carry a new piece to the commander?”

“O-of course”.

Her long legs began to move at full speed. As if they weren´t fixed to her body. Only joint with a only thought: flee from there. Before she noticed, she had gone out. The rain fell vigorously over her face, erasing the tears which leaked from her eyes as she left.

She moved away from the building heading for a woodland zone. She seated and buried her face on her knees. Despite have forced her phisical condition after that unceasing jaunt, what hurts her wasn´t the wounds not healed. She knew it. She knew that pain. I wasn´t any blow.

That lack of blood flow only indicated one thing. Her heart.

She already knew it. But didn´t wanted to regconize. Her mind have made forget that fact instead of accepting. Erwin would never see her as a woman, because he already had his eyes set in anyone else. The worst, was that she couldn´t hate that woman with long and silky blonde mane. Not even knew her, it was unfair for her own part not doing it. Then, what was all that? Why did she feel so many sadness?

She wasn´t like that, jealous never became part of her character. Maybe that pain was only cause of her own mental insanity. Why did she never consider this option? Her commander was a good man, wisely, gentil, honest; why shouldn´t he had found any other woman yet?

A beautiful lady, possibly from the city, with good manners. No wounds, no scars. And she had never hear talking about her. Again that bitterness to him, towards his misterious presence and his constant disability of telling her anything about his life. Was that pain because after so long time next him he´d never trusted in her?

“I´m a idiot”

“Yes, you are” a gap voice resounded behind her. So deep that neither the constant tapping of the rain over the wet asphalt could fell silent.

She turned inmediately and saw a grey eyes staring at her and bearing the downpour which soaked his hair. On that moment, it seemed her an image so sad of herself being there, stained of the ground that her arrogance was stronger than her humility and proceeded cleaning her chicks stained by her own tears.

“It´s cold, come back inside, Levi”

“I know it, but I needed going out”

“Are so noisy the boys that you don´t dare hearing them trying to pull with your subordinate?”

“I don´t matter that”

“And why has you came here?”

“You passed running in front of the dining room. You went on this direction”

“I just need a minute. Just this. You can leave now”

“..............” He continued standing up not proceeding to obey her order.

“Levi, you...........have you came after me?”

“................” no answer.

“It´s not necessary you worry. I just........ need to vent a little and...... and I´ll be the same as always” her body trembling. She didn´t know if it was cause of the sadness, the cold she felt on that moments. O simply the impotent which have generated in all her being.

“If you need to cry, cry” he cleared his throat while sitting next her.

She noticed how muddy was the land, but he didn´t seem matter it. It seems that in some occasion his neat sense of the cleanliness was forgotten by other reason. On that moment she made glad that accompany her on that hard moment was the reason why he abandoned that obsession of him.

“Thanks. You are a great friend” she nestled on his shoulder leaving the tears flow with no rest. The drops which fell from the sky continued hidding her tears. Despite that, she was comfortably. She didn´t mind the humidity or the cold. He was a man of few words, although he didn´t need so many. She was happy for relying on him as backing her, but it hurts her treat him on this way.

Few times she had thought on him in other way. He always had seemed a strange man, possibly marked by a traumatic past, similar to hers. But so excesively painfull that he denied talking about that. Maybe he haven´t so lick as her as finding somebody who cares so well of him as Erwin did with her. On that moment, she wished have know him before, maybe her relation wouldn´t be so restrictive as was now. Maybe... Stranges feelings crossed her mind: _What if we.....? No, he liked another girl,_ reminded.

“Levi........ how is everything about that girl you talked me about?”

“...................... I dunno” he answer curtly.

“How can you don´t know?”

“Nothing happened”

“Anything?”

“Nothing”

“Then, your relation is as always, not?”

“Yes.”

“But you like her, not?” what was all this pain when asked that? _I rather go again to the hospital, I think my old wounds are open again._ She lied to herself.

“I don´t know..........She is........................a crazy woman, eccentric, bizarre, nuts, too talkative, incongruent, foul-mouted, rude.................... and she is obsessed with another guy.............”

“ _But I can´t take her out of my mind,_ not?”

“...............................................................”

“Sometimes, we want to resist our own feelings, trying to see only the negative facets of somebody to contrarrest them. It´s a way of lying us for not regconizing what we really think” _then, why I never did it with Erwin? For me, he was always great and amazing. But Levi.......why am I thinking on him now? Focus, Hanji, he likes another girl, don´t dare._ Lied herself again.

“Maybe” it fell and fell with no rest. No stopping, drop after drop. A torrential came from the east that would last lot in abandoning them. At least, that night wouldn´t do. Enough for them in that moment. “......................................When did you noticed of yours about Erwin?............”

“I think............ I was 13. When I decided joining his group. I wanted to be next him. Until them, for me he had been a brother. But, then, I think, I joined the survey corps for protecting him as he did with me all those years. As if I have a debt with him. When I noticed, I waited longing to arrive his day-off to pass it with him”

“.............................”

“Altough..............I began to think that my whim was like a little girl who took out his toy. As if my father didn´t pay me so much attention. Because...........I can´t neither hate her nor feeling jealous....... I suposse I am stupid.”

“You are”

“And you?”

“Me what?”

“When ….................did you noticed _that girl_ was in your interests?”

“.......................................”

The girl waited patiently. She knew that his mate was too close at telling those things. In fact, she didn´t know if he has shared those feelings with any other person who wasn´t herself. She stroke him that _Levi_ who only appear in front of her, quite cozy.

“You´ll continue keeping going until I answer, right?” he said finally.

“You know me. You know how I am. Come on, tell me” she persevered. “We are friends, not?”

“I really don´t know” he sighed with deference. “First time I talked with her, she seemed a weirdo, on a single subject. A pain in the ass. Obsessed with her work. Hearing her talking only gave me headaches and I wanted to hit her fucking ass every day to shut her up. And I don´t know how I haven´t still done it. She didn´t seem to any other woman I´ve known before. Maybe it was for this reason” an expression of gloom emerged on his face.

“By the way you talk about her, it seems you are falling in love with her” she began to laugh. And feeling jabs on her heart. She didn´t know why it hurt so much hearing those words. Again the olds wounds? Come back to the rehabilitation between those spotless and white walls scard her. It was better to hung in there that strange pain that bothered her. Perphas, next morning it would dissapear join all the regrets she felt on this moments.

“That............... would be a problem” he lowered his head thinking.

“A problem?What nonsense. Are you afraid of being human and fall in love with other person? It happens to the harder of us. Once you fall you can regret. Or maybe you don´t want to cry on my shoulder as I do now? You know I wouldn´t laugh of you for that” _I don´t want nobody damage you, Levi._ Thought without be able to say. 

“I didn´t say that. I said that would be a problem for who _she_ is”

That makes Hanji reacts. Undoubtely she didn´t know who was that woman who trashed his feelings. But didn´t understand, who was her as for suposse a risk falling in love with her? A high position girl? A girl from the city? An old lover?

Round her head only passed images of hundreds of woman who she´d kill undoubtely for making him suffer so. The woman who had got putting nervous that man of impenetrable gaze had to be incredible. She was unable to surmise a face for that misterious girl.

For years, she had seen loads of women incredibily beauty getting closer to him, but he rejected all them. She began to feel a big curiosity for knowing who was that woman, but not only for knowing which type of woman drew that sourpuss.

She had other reasons, but she ignored the groan of her heart linking them to a relapse of her old wounds. Dazzle, unable to see what originated on her interior.

“Why it has to be a problem you fall in love with her? Who is her?” she answered without noticing she raised the voice. Completely nervous and irate.

“You”

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**Thanks for reading. Next chapter, coming soon.**

 

 

 


	5. Nexus in common

**Disclaimer: Snk belongs to Hajime Isayama. This fic was written one year ago (in spanish) and now I am going to translate chapter by chapter into english. I hope you like my version of Hanji´s past (and also Erwin´s and Rivaille´s) before the fall of the wall.**

**English is not my first language, so I apologize for the possible mistakes.**

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Her breathing had fastened. Was it true what she just heared? Rivaille loved her....? No, I had to be a joke. She looked to that grey eyes trying to find a trace of doubt, nervousness, something that indicate he was mocking of her.

Nothing, he stared at her, practically without winking. A deep sight which seemed insinuate he wasn´t playing and that he just told was serious.

Then it was true? That stupid woman who makes her comrade suffer was herself. So many days telling him about her feelings towards her superior. Perphas that hurt him more. But she was so innocent that couldn´t think she could have a person who think about her on that way. The image she have of herself every time she bathed wasn´t of a woman who could get somebody feel attractive to. Still less get to wonder a feeling so deep, of love, towards her.

She felt pathetic, stupid. A fucking blind dork. Tears broke out again. She lowered her head, ashamed. She couldn´t hold that deep sight for longer.

“I......I´m sorry....... I..... didn´t know anything....”

“I know it”

“Rivaille......I....” she lowered still more the head for hiding her face completely flushed, she didn´t know what to answer.

“I know my answer, it´s not necessary you say anything”

False, she even could know what she felt for him. Each time was more untrue what just happen. That man, with gloomy look and few talkative had just confess her his fondness. Her, who never had considered herself able to get a man to have a crush on her. Less the most strange man she had known.

She remembered the way he saved her life months ago. She didn´t derserve that kindness. Without noticing she grasped his back strongly. So many things had happened that noon.

Erwin and that misterious woman. Looking how had came back just the half of her comrades. And discovering that a person who had won a space on her heart had fallen in love with her. And she was unable to put in order her feeling as for discerning if that torrent of uncontrolled beats was for him or not.

She grasped harder letting all those restrained feelings dominate her. She raised her head and burying it on his shoulder, she stopped crying. She only need to think with tranquility, the which one he gave her.

He returned her the hug and they stayed like that for a while. The smell of wet mud, halted breeze, rain. None of those fragances could decrease in the least his odd aroma. She didn´t think it was at all special or peculiar, but on those moments she got the feeling it was tremendously anaesthetic.

Step by step the tension lowered and they separated slightly. The boy raised a hand and moved aside the wet locks from her face. She couldn´t sustain his gaze.

_What must I do?,_ she thought. She wasn´t sure about what she felt for him. She wanted to be unfair and refuse him without being assured. Really she wanted that? She wanted to refuse him?

Her head turned around while the rain continued falling over both of them. She didn´t know what to do. She needed time. More time. She didn´t think it was so selfish ask for more time as for giving the necessary instructions to her brain for processing all that.

Unexpecting, he grasped her chin and began to get closer her face. Was he going to kiss her? Instinctitively, she closed her eyes. She didn´t know why, she didn´t want to stop him. She wanted it passed. Remembering that wet touch from months ago. But this time it would be for pleasure, not necessity.

Pleasure, a word that dissipated so from her mind. She never expected to want a relationship with nobody further than merely professional or further friendship. As longer as she liked Erwin she never imaginated how would it be having him as partner.

Undoubtely, it hasn´t been a kiss as the kiss ussually are, but she still remembered that touch. And she would remember in a few seconds. That what she wanted, remember it.

She could feel his breath getting closer. The air which espired from his nose brushed agains his skin telling her he was close. She squeezed lips waiting for the impact.

But never arrived, she felt a sweet pression near her mouth, between her lips corner and the cheek. A kiss so tender and sweet than she wanted to cry again.

“What?” she asked ashamed.

“What what? What´s wrong now?” he replied a bit strange. Maybe, nervous?

“Weren´t you going to kiss me?”

“Of course not, I am only sending you to bed. It´s cold, shitty glasses.”

“No, you do were going to kiss me, but you didn´t” she wanted this? Was she decepcionated for haven´t got being kissed by him?

“It´s a good-night kiss. I knew I shouldn´t have dare to do it....” he mumbled. “Hurry up and go to bed”.

“That´s not the question. I-I mean, you have told me you love me and-”

“I didn´t say that...” he interrupted her.

“....And later you tried to kiss me and... And I am confused because I dunno if-” she continued talking without paying attention to him.

“I wasn´t trying to kiss you” he mumbled again.

“...I like you or not. I mean, I think yes, but I don´t know. You are so fucking weirdo I can´t think about you as I think about the rest of the people”.

“You are the weirdo one”.

“I am less abnormal than you. You are the only one who scare all the people even while pooping”

“Fuck you, shitty glasses. You are scarier than me. I saw you last month shouting to a nurse while you was fucking sick because she was getting away your fuckin´ books about fuckin´ insects and soil”

“Levi........ she........... the nurse....... gave me back them later. Did you.....?”

“I don´t know what you are talking about”

“.......”

She stared at him. She couldn´t concentrate in his feelings if he tease her on this way. It was so difficult. But she needed to assure about what she thought. Maybe she was daydreaming or maybe exagerating it.

Well, he said he was interested in somebody who was especial for him. And that person was being a constant headache for him. She interpreted it as love, as longer as she knew him, that´s what she thought. Perphas his feelings were less pational. Only attraction, or as she felt for Erwin, he felt about her as his sister. Why it hurts so much if she was only as his sister for him?

“You think about me..... as your friend? Or your sister?” she asked finally.

“None of them.”

“None of them?”

“That´s so fucking annoying. Agh, I suposse, what you say before, idiot. I suposse you were correct for one in your life about anything which isn´t titans or experiments.”

“What I said......” of course, she said that complicated word, love. Why was her heart so fast? She was happy for that? “Levi, can I think about this?”

“Do what you want” he stood up and began to go away “Get changed already or you´ll have to come back to the hospital and I am too much busy as for taking care of you again, shitty gla-” he stopped suddenly “Hanji”.

.

.

.

Her head weighed. The light entered dimly across her room´s window hurting her eyes. Slighlty she woke up. She still was wearing the same clothes from the night before. She began to undress when a smalls knocks on the door came her back to the reality.

“Miss Zoe, It´s me, Petra..... As y-yesterday you disappeared suddenly, I was worried about you”

“Ah Petra, came, came”

She took off her clothes fastly and opened the wardrobe looking for a clean uniform. Barely could find some civile garment. Nothing which she could go to work that day. Danmit, the shock from the day before made her forget important issues.

“M-miss Zoe, Haven´t you still put into your uniform?” Petra looked surprised at finding her superior only covered with her underwear. She knew about her abscense of shyness, but even that, she still stayed stunned on that class of situations.

“I-I think I forgot to carry my uniform last time. I don´t have any other for changing. And if I wear a dirty one Erwin will punish me....Petra..... can you lend me one yours?”

“O-of course!” she hurried coming back her room understanding what happened.

Hanji sat on the head for a while a remembered the fact from the day before. Dream, reality. What was the real true?

“And now how am I going to look at him?” she sighed in a low voice.

She broke down over the bed and devoted a seconds to stare at the roof. What was she going to do now?... Her head didn´t stop making her dizzy, recreating one and another that tender kiss. She closed the eyes trying to understad why she wanted on that moment he had diverted a few inches.

“B-but what am I thinking?” she stood fastly “Why was I going to want that midget clean-freak kiss me?.... Why was he to....?”. Something took her out of her thoughts. The little Petra knocking again at the door.

Duty called her. A good soldier didn´t have time to those headaches. The future leader from 4th squad still less.

.

.

.

Undoubtely, the diferences between both was evident. The uniform was too tight. The pants were a little short, but she could dissimulate it with the boots. But her backside tighted too much cause of her complexion stronger than Petra.

But the shirt....... was so close-fitting... Hanji wasn´t too voluptuos, but a smaller size than hers marked too much her female shapes. She wasn´t get use to at all to wearing something so tight. Always loose and drape. Comfort before than anything.

“I-I am sorry...... Maybe it would better if you ask the captain for lending you a shirt....”

“Don´t worry! While it doesn´t break I´ll be fine.” she laughed happily. “What can be the worse can happen?”

In a bad moment she said those words, she regretted it later. All the men from the headquarters stared at her as if they just discovered she was a woman. Lots of them mumbled pointed at her brazenly.

Under their attentive gazes she felt naked, as if they were dissecting her with the eyes. That same day she would go to look for a new clean one. She didn´t think into pass this embarrassment again. She felt as if she lost the respect of her own subordinates at noticing how, all the women, maybe more or less, all have breasts.

She entered in the captain´s room as fast as she could. The first person she found was her commander, so early-rising as always. She seemed as being there severals hours.

“Woah, Hanji, you arrive early, I want you revise all those rese-” the man raised the gaze and stared at the woman attentively claming up.

“Y-yes, I´ll do it right now.” She scratched the crown taking him off the reports, sittting on her table and without stop of laughing nervously.

“Hanji.... you....”

“..........Yeah, Erwin?”

“You look.... different....”

“........ On what?” she lowered as she could con the chair and tried to close her jacket for concealing her breasts marked by the thigh fabric.

“Something nice must have happened to you, because today you look especially feminine, different from the habitual way of behaving. As if you have entered on the skin of the other woman. You are very pretty”

“Ah, you say it for the shirt?” she sighed resigned. “It´s from Petra, I forgot sending mine to wash it, and I couldn´t come naked to the quarters. I supossed you caught me. Tomorrow I promise I won´t forget my uniform and this won´t happen again” she giggled still more ashamed for being discovered.

“Shirt? No, I said it for...” Erwin wasn´t a man who paid attention to little details so worldly as the clothing or the hairstyle, so his words puzzled her each time more. “.... Becaue you look like a girl who come back from a date with her boyfriend. Is there anything you didn´t tell me?” he opened his mouth showing his perfect teeth with an strange expression, similar to a collusion smile.

Those words caused a blushin still bigger. Boyfriend? Her boss knew pretty well she´d never had a partner, asking that was strange. If she didn´t know he well, he seemed as he had witnessed the night before. Althought, to this game could play both.

“Erwin......... Aren´t you who isn´t telling me anything?” she asked with a playful smile. She didn´t know why the pain at remembering that woman had dissapeared. “Yesterday I saw you with a gorgeus girl with blond long hair. Don´t try to dissuade me, I saw her perfectly. He looked really pretty.”

“She....” the man lowered the gaze with a slightly assent, as if it was gloom. “....She is an old friend”.

“Just friends? How boring you are. I thought you made me glad at knowing I have cast aside finally of you. For a while I thought I would be the one who would have to marry you. Erwin, aren´t you the enough man for her?” she mocked of him.

The man got closer calmly to her table and leaned over her slowly. He seemed ready for reprehend her for his threaten actitude.

“You know well that in the army aren´t allowed any type of relationships. I´ve never tried to overtake this limit. I joined this battalion for a reason. For preserve our future”. His voice denoted his autority as commander. “Hanji, if you have decided to begin a relationship, I must warn you as your superior: it´s forbbiden under any concept.” the girl lowered the gaze sadly. “However, as old friend, I ´ll you I won´t be the one who let know this fact”. He winked an eye with belief.

Hanji smiled with nostalgia, after a sea of doubts, she had verified her superior continued being the same as always. Her admiration for him didn´t stop growing. She waited that on her deep down that huge respect never dissapeared.

“And what´s the name of your fian-.... your friend?”

“Helenka. She is a nurse I met long time ago, in the hospital they hospitalized in your chilhood. Maybe you remember her....”

“Damn you! All this time you went to see her and not me!” Where was all the regrets she felt the day before? Dissapeared. Or have it really existed in a beginning? The most she thought about it, the most she thought that had been only resenment cause of Erwin didn´t tell her all she wanted to know. Not only about his private life, she began to think he didn´t also talk to her about her secrets plans. That infuriated her a lot. “My façade from you has just razed” she leaned back dramatically and without can restrain the guffaws.

She did´t know why after talking with him, those stranges feelings she felt for him definied better. Undoubtely, he was like an old brother for her, maybe as her protector father for who she hurt if he was damaged. Just this, nothing more. If he had been more sincere with her, she wouldn´t have suffered so that night.

“So well, who is the famous lucky one you stole his heart?”

The gate opened all at once before she could answer. Levi entered in the room followed by Mike who walked with a strange and tired smile. She didn´t know why but on Levi´s cheek could notice a clear swelling which continued to his eye.

Hanji lowered the gaze sharplu and sank onto the reports. Work, she was there for working, any other thing. She had to forget all the stuff which isn´t related to this. Friendship, romance. Not now, not on these moments. But, could she ignore the hurt on her chest? Was it cause of Levi? _No, ignore it, you don´t have time to think in love. What´s wrong with me? Why am I thinking in love? It´s so complicated..._ Erwin stared at her and later to man caused of her aparently headaches. Hanji looked so painful, and worried. Would it affect her work? That could be troublesome.

“Woah Hanji, today I see you especially alluring. Did you have good news yesterday?” Mike greeted at her looking at the tight shirt. He just do paying attention to those things.

Levi noticed the detail and seated on her table thoughtful avoiding her gaze and faking concentration in other thing unconnected to her. Or maybe just only her perceived thus and all that he said tonight have been fodder of her imagination.

“I think the one who got good news yesterday were you. What´s with that exhausted face, Mike? You and Levi look a bit....”

“Well....”

“Stop chatting, please.” Erwin interrupted them. “Good morning, today we have to do some stuffs” he began to say while delivered them some papers. “Miss Zoe had already received the reports I want her to fill, you, Zakarius must actualize the list of joining/loss of the army. And about Levi....”

“But, Erwin. Making all this work alone it´s a madness” Mike interrupted her. “In each expedition died hundred of soldiers. I´ll take me weeks to do it! What is my squad going to do meanwhile?”

“Only weeks? I´ll talk to the other commander if they want you also revise the listing of the other corps. If you are worried about your squad I´ll asign them the typical task of training and support. I need you here. If we exerted ourselves more in the mission, there wouldn´t be so many names to fill. For your own good, you´d better do it without complaining.” His gaze turned threatening.

Undoubtely, something had happened that night between those three, thact threatening and serious actitud from Erwin wasn´t normal. Much less permisive and even more intransigent.

“And about you, Levi” he resumed still staring threatening at the boy who returned the gaze. “I think it would be necessary to check and clean all the cannons from the walls. The three of them. that´s nice for you, not? I know you are quite good with this, not only in the battlefiled. Take all the soldier from the troop you need and proceed to revise the cleaning of this”

“As you want, Erwin” he answered with a gaze still more deep than always.

Hanji looked the scene open-mouthed. It seemed it was pushing their mates for something she didn´t have any idea. Probably, when she went to sleep, something more had happened. Something which she hasn´t been part and didn´t know if she was going to be excluded from those punishment or not.

.

.

.

The three corporal went out from there directing to their corresponding place´s work. Levi seemed having a worst mood than usual. Revision, practises, cleaning, support, condition´s report. Joinings, loss. During some months that scene repeated constantly. With the same curtness in the milieu and without being able to discern anything.

Each day on the same way, arriving tired, with evident fatigue and distant gazes. Since that strange day she hadn´t come back to talk with any of them alone, and each hour which passed she the curosity ate away more her.

Without can wait more for knowing the new actitude which have developed between those walls without she was included on it. Finally, tiredsome after two months of silence, Hanji followed Mike untl the library and sat next him with her usuals reports. The hours passed by while he stroked his mustache with each sheet he actualized. Hanji continued staring at him without saying anything. As if she expected something.

He was getting nervous for so much attention. Overall, because he knew what she wanted to hear.

“Are you going to tell me it or not?”

“What?” the beared-man tried to disguise with a fake smile.

“Something has happened between you three. I know it. It´s evident for Levi´s aspect and yours. And even, all those ridiculous works? During two months?! Erwin is not so stupid for letting the two best soldiers of the Survey Corps being the maids. Something has happened, I know it. What is it? Why have you passed those last months being a jerks?” she got closer more to him inquisitively.

“I don´t know what are you talking about” his fingers slided on his stubble again. Another sheet more, so boring and tedious. But necessary.

“Two months ago, after Erwin came back from that mission, the next morning all of you beganto act like an authentic idiots. Erwin gives you absurd orders and you obey the without complaining. Since when are you thus? I thought you were more rebel. In fact, I thought Levi was more rebel”.

Sometimes, a subordinate must obey all type of orders. That´s the army, after all. There´s no much permission for freewil. You know, respect the rules and obeying whitout say anything.Although some of us can afford wearing something from someone´s else in public.”

“I told you, that shirt was from Petra. We talked about it. I forgot doing the laundry and se nicel lend me hers. You know Petra, she wouldn´t mind lend me the uniform she was wearing at that moment”.

“I am not talking about her clothes. I talk about the odour you have in all your body. It wasn´t the sweet and fruity smell a girl usually has”

“E-Erwin ussually strokes my head, even in front of you. It´s not so strange I smell a little like you. I pass the day surrounded by men.”

“I am not saying you smell like me or Erwin. But somebody I didn´t expected have been the enoughly close to you as for passing his odour. And this day, my lovely friend, you stank like him.”

“Who?”

“Levi.”

“Agh........” she bit the lip remembering all that night.

The new silences. Lost gaze and anything more than confusion and a new distancing. She couldn´t say if it was from her or from him. But apart of the new gatherings, her new work as captains, the summary of dates for their futures squads kept them permanently far one from the other.

“I see I was on the right track. Then, what there´s between Levi and you? Are you dating each other? I can smell the tension between both.I could do it since the begining....”

“The begining. All that shit happened barely two months ago...”

“Sure, I´d say you were dating even before”

“Why do you say that?”

“First of all tell me what´s on with you two.”

“I´ll do it. But in return, I want you to tell me what´s on with all those stupids works during the last months.”

.

.

.

Between those books and cadets realyzing reports, she was telling step by step the story she had lived. It still seemed unreal and nonsense. Any other person who heared it would have mocked from her. But Mike heared her calmly and withouth any type of mock on her voice, only approval.

“After that I supossed he would come back to his room” she finished of relating while taking off her glasses and clean them with a hanky.

“In fact, he did.”

Hanji heared attentively. She creaked her knucles and lied back on her seat as for having a bigger concentration when hearing him.

“That day I entered on Erwin´s office accompanied by one of the cookers. He caught me when......hehe...... you know....” he stroked again the thin hair on his jaw while remembered that moment proud.

“Okey, I understand your punishment.... And Levi? What did he do?”

“Well, we were coming back to the dormitory, when we saw him in the entrance with his spooky gaze as always. Nothing unusual. And without prior notice, he kicked the leg of the commander.”

“What?”

“I didn´t know what happened to him, but now you told me that, I suposse he did that for spitefulness.”

“............”

“Well, the commander returned the hit with a right and oblied us to run until the sun arised. Few hours before entering to work he let us free. Only for going to look for our uniforms.”

Hanji heared astonished the stroy. She didn´t know why she started to break into laughs. This type of things only happened once. Barely had could witness so funny moments when she was a recent integrated.

“If don´t know why are you laughing. If I were you I would be worried. When I went to get changed, Erwin continued quarreling with Levi. Even those last days I´ve seen then talking alone and it didn´t seem anything relative to any mission. It wasn´t this type of gravity.”

This made her remembering the conversation month ago with Erwin. Probably he knew something. No, being him, he would know all. Perfect, goodbye to her privacy. While he interrogated her that morning he already was trying to enquire her reaction at his subordinate´s declaration.

And for the way so inquisitive in which he had asked her he didn´t seem too happy with this situation. Had he been all those months pretending not knowing about Levi´s feeling waiting for her tell him that? Or maybe he guarded him if he tried to give a step she hasn´t autorized? All was so complicated....

“By all ways, what are you going to do? You like him, not?” his elbow hitted slightly her ribs, as provocking her.

“To do? What do you want I do? Those types of relationships are prohibited. There´s nothing more to see as he did with you...”

“Well... I think he got even with me cause.... using his desk on a _inadecuated way...”_ he diverted his gaze to other part a bit ashamed for his actitude, and also understanding why he shouldn´t dare do those things. Respect, that was the word. “And you, come on Hanji, answer me, don´t you die for kissing that grumpy midget?”

“I …... don´t know what to do..... My head is so dizzy right now....” she sighed strongly. “By all ways, why aren´t you surprised about Levi´s? He isn´t the typical guy who wall in love from anybody”.

“Somebody has to be really stupid for not noticing a man who visits a woman every day and dodge missions during 5 months with any reason feels something for her. It´s was evident, my lady.”

“......” yes, she was that clase of stupid one.

The came back from meal and restaring their respectives orders. She finished much before than Mike, so she decided to lend him a hand. Undoubtely years ago that list haven´t been actualized. At least 3 or 4 years. It wasn´t so strange he was lasting so much into finish it. Balancing those office works with gatherings, trainings and squad activities wasn´t very easy.

Hardly , her, who hasn´t still received any answer about they men she had considered more capable for being under her charge, couldn´t coordinate all those activities. And, futhermore, there hadn´t any soldier available nor suitable for doing that task. The persons in charge of this work possible had died on any expedition or had taken importance away from it.

Mike took suddenly an expediente very well tidy and flicked through with certain curiosity.

“Hanji Zoe, 19 years old. Speciality: reconnaissance of field and investigation...” he began to read.

“My expedient is actualiazed? Who was the last who revised them?”

“Erwin, I suposse.... So.... my expedient is here. Mike Zakarius, 26 years old. Speciality: Great seducer, virirle, handsome, brave soldier, a man without waste...” he said with an arrogant tone.

“Liar, pass me it, I want to read about your shameful past!”

While both fight with the expedient on their hands, a bundle of sheets knotted, widther than the rest felt to the floor creating a resounding sound. Undoubtely, the folder stood out from the rest of them. There was a countless of sheets inside it threatening with blowing out at any moment.

Hanji bent down to pick it up.

“Who will be the bad boy who has a folder so big for him alone?” she bent down while opened the folder laughing. “Levi. 23 years old. Speciality: air combat and hand to hand combat....”

Mike looked at the woman while she read the expedient of the young boy. Some of the things she read wasn´t unknown for him. At any ocassion he had been in charge of stopping the troublesome boy for not obstructing the missons. Undoubtely he hadn´t received so much medals along his life. The room kept quite for a while while she read in a low voice. Mike continued doing his task while letting her read. _The love,_ he thought while giggled.

Without noticing, the woman stood up with those papers still on her hands.

“Mike, my expedient hasn´t been actualized by the commander, the last actualization was 3 months ago. Erwin was in a mission on those moments.”

“So...?”

“It was Levi, he did it.”

“And what´s the matter with it?”

“It means he read about my past and didn´t mentioned something....”

“Which thing?”

“Something I didn´t know we have in common. Why didn´t he tell me anything?”

Before he could stop her, she set off from the room still carrying the expediente of the little man between her hands.

.

.

.

The sun set, had been up too many hours. The pavement burnt and projected a lengthened shadow in all its extension. She looked for him in the walls. Teorically they should be still cleaning. Maybe on the west-side of Wall Maria. She took a horse and directed to them. When she arrived, the soldiers were tidying up. She regconized two of the soldiers Levi chose for his squad. A blond guy and another tall one. He had to be near. They where closing some trash-bag base of the walls, but didn´t know where was him.

Levi was obsessed those months with cheking all their work that passed hours after they left walking around the walls. She continued going over the street until finding more subordinates in charge of him, nobody knew nothing.

Then, she found a little girl with orange hair. Petra. She surely had to know it. Always watching him and gracious to his movements.

“Petra, where´s Levi?”

“Heichou? He must be still checking the cannon from west wall. It´s no so far, a few kilometer from here. If you go riding a horse, you´ll arrive in a few minutes...”

Without saying any word more, she activated her gear and positioned over the wall. She started to run to the west. The few soldiers who still remained there looked at her amazed. Then she saw him. He was passing carefully a rag in the interior of one of the cannons when she shouted.

“Why didn´t you tell me it?” accusing him, she hanged up the thickness report which had his name.

The man raised the gaze and regconized that big packet. He knew perfectly what she discovered. Then, he directed his gaze to her, avoiding her won´t be a good idea. But he kept silent.

“Why didn´t you tell me you also were on that fire 12 years ago?”

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**Woah! It´s so difficult to translate chapter by chapter. And I need more time to do it, but I am really busy with my job. I´ll try to translate at least a pair of chapters. I hope you like the story I wrote long time ago.**

**Thanks so much for reading!**

 


	6. Connection

**Disclaimer: Snk belongs to Hajime Isayama. This fic was written one year ago (in spanish) and now I am going to translate chapter by chapter into english. I hope you like my version of Hanji´s past (and also Erwin´s and Rivaille´s) before the fall of the wall.**

**English is not my first language, so I apologize for the possible mistakes.**

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He had barely 11 years old when everything happened. The government decided to choose some random families as for helping in a strange expedition. He wasn´t the only one who passed for all those difficult moments. Anothers children passed for the same dearth as him.

That seemed a confinement camp. The food was lacking, they couldn´t go anywhere, even not getting away from the base. What class of experiment were they doing with them?

“Government sucks” he thought for himself.

Those half-dwelling were on line ones after others. Little tents of canvas and brick precariously built. The disposition seemed similar to dominoes set, perfect for falling when the first of them fell. Undoubtely, it seemed a strategic plan plotted for any special reason. And uknown for him.

That day, exactly as the rest of them since he lived there, he was walking next to that old woman he had get to consider as his mother, a widow who decided to accept him on her bosom in a fateful moment. And after a long time of cohabitation she had been forced to participate in that mission. He didn´t had why accompany her, but, for that teen, that old woman was all he wanted to keep from his past.

They walked silently staring at the huge plain in front of them. His authentic family was something he preferred not thinking in. Slighlty, he could remember his father´s face, but he had already fled from home once as for no facing that psicotic man.

Deep down, he was pleased for not living with him that torture. Probably he would like it. It seemed a game destinated to observate who could hang in there the inanition. At his age he had already seen severals corpses rotting a few hectares from his assigned zone. They haven´t even try to hide them.

Then he saw, near from a storage zone, happened a fight between two inebriate men. One of them hit the other and smashed him against one of the gunpowders´s bag, causing it split. The other man broke a bottle against the land menacingly.

His grey eyes placed on the rest of the broken glass. The shine discerned away while the sun played with the piece of glass. It was midday when the first flame occasioned.

“We have to flee from here! The gunpowder!” his determination grew by moments.

“Water... we needed water...”

The woman with dark hair went running to a close well. She introduced a bucket of water in it and went out terrified towards the fire.

The boy looked her from away, staring at her heroic act. Undoubtely, that woman would save the day. Agil, fast thought. Sharp. How many years he had passed next to her? Less than he wished. Perphas that person which who he didn´t share family ties was his last chance of finding a family. Not like that he had decided to dodge, a real one.

A smile suggest on his face when the first explosion occurred. His last smile.

Reddish drops stained his countenance. An arm fell next him. On his finger could discern an horrible golden sparkle. He would regconize that wedding ring anywhere. Slightly laminated and with some inscripcions engraved by hand which he had seen hundred of times.

He began to shout frightened when suddenly, another explosion pushed him back, making him lose consciousness. His body collided with the floor inflicting him an state of confusion. A strange hiss around him kept his mind still aware. Perphas was that a return to his previous life?

He didn´t want to return to that. He would drink stagnant water before than come back with him. But a voice called him. It was close, too close. A feminin and childish pitch, nothing similar to that woman. A girl?

“Mom... dad....” a weepy voice away from him was heared.

He opened his eyes slowly and gazed at the scene. All fled terrified while a little girl run towards the fire. Her legs seemed being covered with that blackish soot which the gunpowder left and he could apreciate how graves began to be her burnts.

Suddenly, she fell on the floor and the people stepped over her. At this rate, they´d kill her, smashing her. He had to do something o she would leave this world for the stupidity of the frenzied citizens. The young boy stood up with extreme pain. Fortunately he hadn´t any several wound. He still could walk. That was enough, while he could stand he wouldn´t leave taking down. Not this time.

He approached her slowly, she seemed conscious, but very bruised. Barely could keep awake, her gaze looked lost between the burning pasture which surrounded them. He stared everywhere, they were alone on that place.

“I need help, damn it!” he shouted while he felt the heat roasting his throat and penetrating strongly on his nostrils. “This kid can´t move!”

He began to load up her on his back when he felt a horse bringing closer. A soldier? Really? One of those cowards who left all the citizens at the slightest chance had come back for them?

The man had a pleasant gaze, he went down his mount inmediately and watched both children. Blonde hair and blue eyes as the colour of the sky. A cadet, a rookie. Probably a recently joined with an strange countenance and a seriousness unlike at his age.

Another fuse setting fire and another trembling cause of the next explosion. Nimbly he avoid the bits of mire which fell next him. The soldier took her in his arms and indicate the boy to follow him to his mount. He didn´t think into discuss this order.

He left the little and half-concious girl on the front and the little boy behind him, on the rump. He looked quiet but without any type of injury. Maybe, traumatized for all the vilence he had presenciated in a few whiles.

“My name is Erwin Smit, what´s yours, boy?”

“Levi....”

“So Levi, what´s your surname” the man asked while he cheked the state of the little girl.

“I don´t have this anymore....” his answer barely get to the hearing of this savior. It had been silenced by the clamor of the flames and the frenzy of the people fleeing.

.

.

.

He didn´t have any several wound. No reason for staying hospitalized. His only relative alive had died on that fire. He had not any other alternative. Thus he was sentenced to live in a orphanage. He preferred that instead of coming back to that place. He wouldn´t last into regret his choice.

The girl he had helped to rescue from the fire, dissapeared from his eyes. Since that moment when they left her in the hospital. And, he didn´t expected to see her never again. Will she end also on that disgusting hospice?

That place, was incredibly filthy. Wartime, it was usual finding a countless of children without parents, so the personnel used to be lacking. But the number of orphans increased every day. More and more. Crammed in the same living spaces. Not even a halo of fresh aire for breathing.

Cleanliness wasn´t the essential on that building. That provocked him a huge disgust when he was roaming through those halls. Driking the stagnant water they got from the rain. Washing under the water which fell from a rusted pipe, with the same soap bar for all the male member. Simply repugnant.

He was barely 13, when he decided to flee from those walls. He couldn´t bear living in a climate so depressing any more. Soon or later, his health would thank him that desicion. As his mental health. How many of his mates had commited suicide during the time he was there? Simply kids who preferred traveling to death world before to preserve their lives there. It was like a subtle and slow torture.

He didn´t have money, so he decided lodge in a old abandoned hostal. Their owners, dead, nobody would claim it. he arranged that place and adjusted it for his taste. After living almost two years on that dump he didn´t want to rekindle it.

He began to steal food and cash to the pedestrian. He lived at the expense of the others. He didn´t have any worrying. Fiddles, robberies, assaults. He always got get out unharmed everywhere. His speed grew with each criminal act. His body strengthened incredibly, however his height didn´t progress.

While he walked in the street, childs used to mock from his height. He didn´t doubt into using his strength for giving them what they deserved. That strength he never wished having, but ironically helped him in those moments.

He was barely 14 when he was over that child. He didn´t know how they got to that situation. The nose of the child bled and he was unconcious. Probably he´ll stay thus for hours. Or probably, days.

He stood up and watched his mate who were encouraging the fight minutes before. The stayed quiet after contemplating the barbaric spectacle he oferred them. He stared at his fists blood-bathed. His nasty blood. He took of a little handkerchief and cleaned carefully his hands.

“I´m not going to let that scum like you dirty me” he directed a deep gaze to the rest of them, scaring them. “If you don´t want to have the same luck as him, leave now.”

Years passed by and his criminal records increasing more and more each time. Getting to perpetrate big theft and inflicting horrible beatings.

Despite his strength, forming a band was something which thought subliminal. Each time he had gathered enough allies for perpetrating his felonies, all them ended rioting or acting against him. Other, however, didn´t have so licky and died witouth he was able to protect them. That was why he decided he´ll act alone, he didn´t nobody more. He didn´t need trusting in nobody more than himself. That was what he repeated himself continuously.

He had been arrested several times but, afterwards some days, he fled from those dungeons. Nevertheless, that time was pretty singular. Without noticing, he had became quite vain and ended getting into troubles with the army. The worst of his enemies.

He was 19. Numerous records of looting and assault. He could be sentenced to severals years of jail or even, capital punishment. His future was drawn straws. He didn´t have too many alternatives.

He had resigned to that possibility, when he received an unespected visit between those walls. A solier with blue eyes and blond hair.

A face he could never forget in his life. The begin and the end of soft torture during his entire life.

“Woaw,... life didn´t smile you, right?” he sat down in front of him with a calm smile.

“Get lost”

“I suposse, you don´t regcnize me. You have changed a lot, I barely can regconize you after so many time” he lowered his gaze recalling the past. “Some years ago, I...”

“I remember that fire perfectly. Although I am poor, that doesn´t mean I am dumb. My memory is still intact”. He directed a deep gaze of disgust to his interlocutor. “Maybe now you regret have taken me out from thathell. I should have burnt there. For what it serves me being alive...”

“I don´t know which circunstances got you in this situation. But I am here as a representant of the army. Having met you previously, doesn´t change the motives why I am here”. He stood up ready to continue his speech. “You´ll understand that´s not easy”.

“......”

“I have came to suggest you a contract, Levi, joining the army instead of rotting in prison”

“Ho, ho, a certain death or living in that filthy place the rest of my life?” the boy spat ironically.

“You have my proposal. Actually I lead the 15th battalion of the survey corps. You can join it, if you want”. He turned his back on him letting clear his intentions of not waiting a immediate answer.

“That child...”

“Sound and safe, maybe you could reencounter her coming soon. But it would be better you were more decent when you do” he stared at his scruffy and sloopy hair, his tatty clothes cause of the fights.

.

.

.

As they had agreed, he joined the army. Undoubtely, he stood out over his mates. He lost the time uselessly between those queues of useless soldiers. A month more, his final transfer was requested.

He had cut his hair, on a style more military, shaving the skin below his head. He tied a white cravat on his neck. When he stared himself on the mirror, he thought seeing an old shadow from his father. Maybe he wouldn´t be very proud of him on those instants, but he couldn´t live clung to he had said about his actitude the last years of his life.

He had drunk the night before his joining, he couldn´t remember why, but he saw himself involved in a fight. As always, he had ended in those horrible and dirty dungeons. His new boss went to look for hime quite early. Accompanied by a man with glasses who seemed pretty effeminate.

“Tche. What type of soldiers join on those moments?” he thought without taking off his gaze from the soldier.

That noon evening was busy, cleanliness of his new home was exhausting. Nightfall came when they finished, so his boss decided to show him the living room taking the chance for carrying the meal to the barrack where they would live from now on.

“Erwin, not? Tell me, where´s that little girl? You told me I´d see her when I joined this skanky place. Was this another of your tricks?” he asked while carrying some trays of food in the return.

“It wasn´t a trick. I don´t have this needed. Didn´t you regconize her?” the man told off, quite surprised for his question. “I suposse she had also change a lot.”

“Regconized?”

Minutes after he found a strange woman on the showers. That same soldier who previously had confused with a effeminate man. At seeing her with loose hair and no glasses, his mind traveled some years ago. Could it be true?

.

.

.

Back in present, that same woman stared at him with accusatory eyes. She knew all, he didn´t have why concealing more about that. In a certain way, it was like lift the burdem off for having to pretend all that haven´t passed. That he hadn´t known her before and didn´t remember under which strange circunstances had been their first encounter.

And despiste that first encounter hadn´t existed, the reality would be the same. An obssesive scientist for who he wasn´t able to define that need of having her closer. Always so incomprehensible. That type of matters got upset him and avoid as possible thinking on them.

“Are you already bored of playing with your test tube and pipette? If your are going to be wandering around here, be useful and help the rest to clean”

“Stoy saying sillines, you know why I am here!”

“I don´t know what are you talking me about”

“You read my report, you knew I´ve been on that zone as same as you. Why didn´t you tell me anything?”. Her body trembled trying to contain tears. “All the kids I knew in that place died later cause of their wounds! Do you think it was easy for me seeing that!? I would have gave anything for knowing I didn´t was the only survivor from that fire! Didn´t you know it was me? Didn´t you remembered me? Didn´t we meet before?”

“We did. And... I didn´t need reading that report for knowing it”. He ignored her turning back his face towards the arm he had in from on him and going back to check the work of his subordinates.

Perfectly clean. He already knew it, he had checked it thouthands times, but he didn´t feel full of life for facing Hanji on those whiles. And less knowing where that conversation would degenerated into.

“And why didn´t you never mentioned me this?” she hurled that folder fiercely to the paving floor. A deaf sound which wasn´t barely heard for any living soul. But it didn´t decreased the presence of the impact. “I want you tell me all, you stop keeping secrets for yourself”.

“I don´t think that was something which worth remembering”. On his mind still preserved the image of the inscription on that wedding ring from her adoptive mother, stained with blood.

The girl moved closer to him. The land was solid under her feet, despite of being 50 metres of height, she wasn´t afraid of falling. She´ve never walked on a safer way.

“The reason why you hate Erwin so …. is... because he didn´t save you of going to the orphanage?” she fixed her gaze on him whithout blinking. “And also because he forced you of joining the army after had left to your fate that day?”

“No....” he squeezed his fists while talking. “Really?! Do you really think those shits matters me in the least?! Do you think that was the first time an adult left me on my fate?!”

“Levi... enough....”

“I lived a hell on that camp, the only which remembered me the reality was had crossed the walls with a unconcious girl next to me! It has passed 9 years, Hanji, 9! I didn´t even know if you were alive!”

“Please... stop...”

“ In my veins runs the same blood of a moron who converted me into what I am now. The only person who really cared for me died there. And the only good action which showed I wasn´t the same undesirable as my father dissapeared from my sight. During 9 years. Do you even know what suposses carrying that load on your shoulders?”

“Of course I know. I know it perfectly”

“You know nothing”

“I read the report. I know who are you descendent from. And your are not like him. If you feel like that, share that load with me.”

“My hands are not only stained with the blood of the beast we confront, Hanji”.

“I don´t care, Levi. I am not afraid of you”, her vocal cords emitted sounds direct and brief, as a song without stanzas. “And I never going to.”

“.... I can damage you.... I can.... break your back with a single man if I wanted.”

“You can try if you want, but I don´t guarantee you get it.” A low guffaw, almost dissapearing for the cold which worsened that night.

“...Idiot...”

She always had felt alone, her parents had died. So she decided nerver trust in anymore, except Erwin. Only him and she in that devastated world. There wasn´t space for nobody more.

On that world reigned the law of the strongest. If your weren´t strong enough, you wouldn´t survive. As time goes by you had two options, or die outside or die inside. If you take te choice of rotting under the shadow of the walls, probably you would waste your life.

If you went outside, at least you would enjoyed the freedom, the death was a little price to pay for breathing no foul air. Each time the went in a expedition, she returned with new scars which marked her body.

But, since he joined her squad, the scars decreased. She thought she had became powerfull, more mature, more lethal. And with bigger determination. But, perphas it was also as consecuence he had been taking caer of her. Since she was a child had been awaiting for she give the correct steps, not letting her stumble on a whim.

She wondered what would had happened with both of them if they hadn´t passed so many time without contact. Perphas they had taken opposed destinys. Or maybe they had ended in the same place. She could never know what would have happened.

She got closer to him and buried the head on his shoulder.

“I didn´t notice then. I don´t notice now. I feel really stupid...”

The boy began to feel a strange damp on his shoulder. Very similar to what he felt the night he saw her crying for first time. Cause of rage and frustration, and on any way he knew it wasn´t the last.

“You are, you are a stupid”. As always, exactly the same of churl and grumpy. But she didn´t perceive any of those irrationalities while he enclosed her. “The most stupid woman I know.”

The sun began to reveal little orange waves. The light of that day was practically lost. It would extinguish until the next morning. They sheltered in the dark of the night on that comforting embrace. Hanji separated slightly from the little man and lowered his face until get into the area of his head.

“Levi.......what you told me months ago.... Do you really....?” she sketched out with a sad smile.

“Think what you want”.

“Can I think....... that...... I want also be with you?”

“That´s what you want?”

“Yes, it is.”

Their lips joined gently. They had been too many time holding back that kiss. This time she didn´t have he need of longing his lips glide a few centimetres because they impacted where she wished.

A little figure with orange hair watched on the distance. It slided its hooks and went down the wall in silence.

 

.

.

.

Her eyes opened slowly. She was leaned back over a strange pillow. Too hard, undoubtely it wasn´t hers. Nor the touch, neither the softness she was got used to. Not even was fluffy.

She began to grope for with the finger on the fabric. They found a little round piece with two tiny slots in the middle. A buttom? Step by step, she began to focus at what she had in front of her. A queue of buttoms. A shirt? Who from?

Her eyes focused the rest of the cloth until she could glimpse where she was. And she remembered, the day before had been tiring. They have left asleep in the bed without take off their uniforms.

She sat up slightly and watched the bottom of the bed. They had fallen on it without even undo the sheets. They still wore the harnesses and boots.

Undoubtely, resting with the ropes of fastening was really uncomfortable, tightening her body and not made for sleeping. Despite it, in some missions they had had to pass the night wearing them and the next day she wasn´t able to walk cause of the immense pain it supossed. But that morning, it seemed she had slept better than in years.

She turned towards the boy who slept next to her.

She couldn´t stand the laughs at observing his expression asleep. Brow furrowed, lips bent down and his fine hair perfectly combed.

“Hahahahaha, not even sleeping you lose this expression?” unable to restrain, she burst into laughter, waking her partner up.

“Mmmmmm...... So soon and you are already organizing such fuss?” he pulled out his fringe´s hair, while opening his eyes. “I should have left you in your room.”

The girl continued laughing. Even just woken up showed that deep gaze. He had to have bornt with that expression of constant grumpy.

“Shut up, idiot, it´s too early, let me sleep” he turned to the other side of the bed, ready to come back to the land of dreams.

“Okey, okey”. She laid down next him studying at the roof in silence. Not even there was a paltry dot of dust on the corner of the adornment. “ I think I´ll go meeting Erwin. Surely he´ll be angry. Yesterday I left my work in Mike´s hands and I went out behind you, probably will get anger.”

The girl stood up and fit the boots ready to do out of the room. She checked her harnesses tightened perfectly as always and began to walk towards the exit.

“Wait....” his eyes opened again stopped her. “ That´s how you are going to leave? I suposse I must be relieve of you don´t see off me with one of yours stupid and overeacting scen-” she seemed seeing a little of blushing under his eyes.

“Ohhh... this little embarrasment I see under your eyes is for me? How sweet.”

“Stupid shitty glasses.”

With an agile movement, knocked down her on the bed staying over her. He began to get closer her face when some strong knocks in the door interrupter them.

“Who the fuck is now?!” he asked bad-tempered.

“Levi, it´s me, commander Smith. I don´t mind if you are not decent, I´m entering” he announced at the same time doorknob moved.

Hanji threw herself to the floor and hid under the bed. She smothered a groan at hitting the back agains the floor.

“What do you want?” the little boy inquired while pretending tie his cravat.

“You are already fully-uniformed?” he showed surprised. “Well, that´s better, I need you and the guys you chose for your squad meet today with Dot Pixis. It has specified your presence urgently. So don´t lose the time and leave right now.

“Are they going to let me use them finally for any type of mission? I thought they had to finish first that stupid training before going out with me. Or maybe now I have to evaluate them? I told you already I wasn´t interested in that.”

“Your function will be specified when you be there.”

“As you want, I´ll gather those brats as soon as possible.”

“Thanks.”

That said, the door closed and Hanji went out her hideout barey containing breathing. It seemed have found her uncertain situation funnier than other type of deed or archievement she had done before. As a child who was busted stealing candies from his parent´s pantry.

“Nearly...” she stood up and opened the door slightly staring at his superior getting away. “ I think he left. I´ll go now too for not raising suspicious. Bye.” she shook her hand seeing off.

She dissapeared from there and snuck in her room. She wore in her normal clothes and directed to Petra´s door for asking her to accompany her to carrying their uniforms. Strangely she didn´t got any answer.

Surely had already gathered with her superior. In that mission which he had received that early morning. That urgent call from Erwin, something unsettled her, but didn´t get to discern what could be. Once coming back from the laundry she found Mike who was saddling a horse and giving order to his troop.

She didn´t know what happened in the army. But today, everybody was too annoyed. She had already seen other groups that morning and all of them seemed in constant movement. Possibley had to move the boys which would form her squad for that instruction. It wasn´t that the way she want to start giving orders as captain, but doubted the army never thought in her wishes.

“Why are there so many soldiers moving? Will it be for that order that the commander give before to Levi?” she thought.

She directed to Erwin´s office ready to receive more reports, as always. Habitual routine, nothing thrilling. She longed going out to the exterior. Since she left the hospital, she couldn´t be part of any mission. Neither it had been designed none of them in a soon future.

Boredom, routine, reports. It waited for her a day really tedious. Before she could touch the knob, an unexpected known figure with silvery hair opened the door. She seemed so annoyed as she had found all the quarters.

“R-riko, …. what are you doing here?” she was overjoyed. “Did you came to see me? I have some new reports to tell you. Last week I was working in a experiment that-”

“N-no, I´m here for working, Hanji. Something...... something serious happened.”

“Is that why all the people here seems have woken up over-the-top?”

“Hanji, prepare fastly a horse and put on your gear.” His voice echoed a bit touched. “Accompany miss Brzenska and do all she says”.

“What happened” she asked confused.

“Petra Ral has dissapeared” she comented in silence seriously. “We suspect it can be a neglect of her post.”

Hanji knew well the sanction for desertion: capital punishment.

**.**

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**I apolgize for lasting so much into add a new chapter translated. But I have been busy with my new job. And a few days I broke my toe, that´s the reason why now I have time to follow the story.**

**Thanks for all the cheers I have seen those last weeks. And as always, I apologize for the possible mistakes.**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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